The Vinyl Frontier
Just when you thought it was safe...


In our last episode, the starship Enterprise was apparently destroyed in most ignominous fashion (between the back molars of an especially large, snot-nosed brat). In the best Hollywood fashion, the series has been saved by a Suspension Of Disbelief/Obvious Miracle (SODOM); the Enterprise, just before being masticated (ooh, I love it when I talk dirty).
The ship, as luck would have it, fell into an inverse time/space anomaly, which caused them to re-emerge on the other side of the galaxy, mostly unscathed, but some of them INSIDE-OUT!
Kirk: Eeewww, Jeezus, Spock is that what you've got in there?
Spock: Blub, blub, blub.
Bones: Dem bones! Dem bones is green today, dem bones!
Sulu (who looks OK, but is actually in a dyslexia bubble) : Ignominou dem bon Captaink it de Hell vas?
Kirk: Whu-u-t-t??!! Bones, whut the hell did that treacherous insubordinate bastidge who wants all my women say?
Bones: Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a U.N. translator, but I think it was, "Ignominou dem bon Captaink it de Hell vas?"
Kirk: How'd you do that?  Is your savant chip acting up again?
Bones: Just cut'n paste, Jimmy-me-boy, just cut'n paste.
Spock: Gulp! Splish. Flarnk. BRRRAAAPPPP!
Kirk: Geez, Bones, if you don't do something for him quick, I'm gonna chunder!
Bones: Jumpin' Jehosephat Jim, I'm a damn doctor not a janitor!  Maybe I better get a bucket, though...
Spock: HONK! Sqweep! Beeeeeee-e-e-e-eee-e-e-ee-r-r-r-u-u-upUPPP! POP!
And with that Spock, through a mind boggling effort of will, turns himself outside-in and returns to the Universe.  Squatting in his puddle of green snot, he turns to Kirk and says in a clear voice,
Spock: Gee, Jim, think there're any women out there?
Kirk, Bones: A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-AA--A-A-A-A-!!!!
Sulu: BEERFNIG ORSKI SPERRDNA FROKTO!
Spock: HOO-AAHH!!!

 
- Please Buy My Script Mr. Rottenberry -
- I'll Stop Sending Those Letters -
- You Know -
- Which Ones I Mean -

- The End -

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Double-Wide, Copyright © 1999 by Jim Parnell

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