Where No Man has Gone Before...

The Vinyl Frontier
Where No Man Has Gone Before...

The starship Enterprise (the first one), while cruising at a whomping warp 2.7, gets itself trapped in some sort of highly viscous, rubbery pink material. On the viewscreen, at maximum magnification, a crinkled surface with the English text (everybody in space speaks English) that reads: P-A-L-O-O-K-A-J-O-E

Kirk:	What the devil is it, Spock?
Spock:	It appears to be some sort of highly viscous, rubbery pink material, Captain.
Kirk:	Hey, if I knew that was all you were going to say, Spock, I'd have read the intro, too.
Spock:	Yes, but what the intro does not say is that we are sinking into the material at a slow, but steady rate due to the effects of that class 'M' sun.
Kirk:	Sinking! How can we be sinking if there's no water?
Spock:	Lack of water does not preclude the possibility of sinking, sir. If I might ask, Captain, did you leave your brain in your other pants again? Perhaps you would like to mind-meld so your IQ would at least equal that of a 20th Century toaster?
Kirk:	Brains are the last thing I'll need, Spock, not for what I've got in mind, heh-heh! Hey Bones, do ya think there're any women out there?
McCoy:	Christ, Jim, I'm a quack Doctor, not a pimp! Hey, you've gotta try this nitrous! Whee-ee-eee-zze!
Kirk:	Right, I'll remember that come review time. Spock, whattaya say?
Spock:	Well, it has been seven years since I went back to Vulcan for some nooky, and I didn't even get any that time.
Kirk:	Spock you old queen! I didn't mean you!
McCoy:	You always did like him better! WA-A-A-A-AHH!
Kirk:	Damn whippits always make him cry. Spock, burp him willya? I've gotta go see 'What's Out There' (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Nurse Chapel, where're my condoms?!!

At that moment, a giant kid, massing about as much as Earth's Moon, reaches down onto the sidewalk, picks up a piece of filthy pink bubble gum and puts it in his mouth. The screams go unnoticed as the brat's teeth close on a rather high-tech piece of debris and crush it to atoms.

Kid:	Mmmm... Crunchy!

- The End -
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