Burlington County, NJ, 3:37 am:

In the dark recesses of an industrial warehouse, a faintly luminescent liquid drips slowly onto a box cryptically labeled "HID-1000: Need To Know".  A strange actinic light begins to flash stroboscopically from inside the box.  As the light grows brighter, the box starts to shake, harder and harder, until it crashes to the floor, and its contents spill out over the hard concrete.  Instantly, the light is extinguished, but for a split second we see strange spider-like shapes scurrying in all directions away from the box.

Two office workers chat by the coffee machine.

"Hey man, what the hell's that stuff oozing out by the side of the building?  When I stepped in it, it squeaked like I'd squished a gerbil."

The other worker says, "Yeah, geez, I was walking in and there was some weird spider looking thing where the security badge reader used to be.  When I waved the badge, the damn thing bit me!"

"I saw a great big blob of stuff dripping from the ceiling, but then it snarfled back up like a kid yo-yo-ing a booger!"

"Eew-w-w!   Man, things are getting weirder and weirder around here.  It's a government invasion of alien Elvis UFO look-alikes and an FBI coverup for the Loch Ness/Bigfoot conspiracy or something..."  He trails off, muttering something about Hitler clones...

A third worker walks up at that moment and says, "Yeah, that's gotta be it.  Hey, anybody see my gerbil?"

One of the workers bursts into the office of Giles Edgood, the boss.  "Hey, I just saw a bunch of spiders grab Ned and pull him into the air conditioning ducts!   There's nothing left but a wisp of beard and a piece of that raggedy-ass vest he always wears hangin' on the vent!"  She moans, "What'll we do without our Chief Scientist!"

Mentally transferring the Chief Scientist's exorbitant salary from the (loss) to the gain column, the boss turns with a mercenary gleam in his eye and cackles, "Well, you know, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof, but hey-y-y, if he's really gone, it sounds like I'm getting a MUCH bigger bonus this year."

At that moment, two suits walk into the office.   One of them holds up his FBI ID and states in an adenoidal whine, "I'm Special Agent Mildew and this is Agent Scuzzy.  We'll take over from here."

From the air ducts above, dentist drills and a faint chittering scrabble could be heard over muffled screams of agony.

Edgood frowns, and says, "A takeover?  I've got to call my broker."

Read more by Jim Parnell.

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