The Best Show Ever
by Ray Prew
Have you ever been
to the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Have you ever wondered about the camaraderie
that goes on within a Rocky cast? Oh boy, do I have a story for you! Who am I
you ask? I think it best not to identify myself. I don’t need problems with the
The Rhode Island
cast colloquially called RKO ARMY (the latest of several name changes) had just
finished their best show ever; over 200 people were in the audience. I was among
them. I should have been up on that stage performing a part I was a star in for
20 years, but no, I was in the audience. Our cast (or rather my former cast) at
its height was over 30 members strong. Now it’s down to about 20. I used to be
in their number, but for reasons I’d rather not go into, I was expelled.
I am still friends
with a few of them so I have knowledge of issues and get togethers. The cast
had just finished its 1000th show and they planned to celebrate. One
of our members had a secluded house deep in the woods of Cumberland. It was
ideal for parties. There were no neighbors to disturb and difficult to reach,
so the police weren’t inclined to pay visits without a reason.
show, and in my opinion the best one the cast ever did. They were going to
party and they invited cast members from over two decades past and present and
other casts from neighboring states to help celebrate this milestone. Except,
they didn’t invite me. First, I got expelled from the cast I helped to start—I
am, or was, a founding member—and then I was purposely uninvited to
their grand celebration. For this they would pay, they would all pay!
I sat patiently in
the audience waiting for the show to be over; watching the audience leave
telling cast members how good the show was. I was hoping some of my former teammates
would at least acknowledge me; all I got was a few dirty looks. They knew that
I knew about their party, but no one invited me—including the house owner who
was hosting. Oh, how they would pay!
I drove away but
reentered the plaza from a different point that allowed me to watch them leave
unobserved. I knew exactly where they were going, I had been there before. In fact,
I had visited there just recently when I knew no one would be around. I wanted
to case the place and learn the layout of the grounds and woodland area. I have
locksmith skills so I was easily able to make duplicate keys to every lock and
padlock on the place. I planned my revenge carefully. I purchased a high-powered
crossbow and some arrows from a sporting goods store. Who needs guns? They are
loud noisy things. Arrows are nice and quiet and you can always pull them out
and use them again.
I parked my car
about a mile from the road that led to the house and covered it up with broken
tree branches and bushes. It made pretty good camouflage I thought. As I walked
through the woods towards the house, I checked to see if the machetes and axes
and other things were still where I had hidden them. It was all still there. Now
for my revenge, now for justice.
I hid high up in a
tree with my night vision gear and watched them as they started their barbeque
and broke out their beers and drinks, they had no idea I was there.
As the party got
underway two of them walked off into the woods together obviously for sex. I
knew these two. I first met them in a graveyard next to a parade the cast was
putting a float in. We smoked a couple of joints together. I knew for a fact
they were among the people that lobbied for my removal from the show. They did
that behind my back, all the while smiling in my face, even after I gave their
new baby a teddy bear. I overheard them laughing when they thought I couldn’t
hear about how they just threw it in the trash. They were now nice and isolated
from the rest they would die first.
I notched up an
arrow in my crossbow and took careful aim watching them for the best moment. I
waited until they were in a close embrace up against a tree and fired. The
arrow went through the back of his neck and through both their throats and into
the tree pinning them to it. They were still alive making gurgling sounds, so I
put another through their heads. As I watched them die, I thought to myself
Jason Voorhees has nothing on me.
I climbed down
from my tree to better pick my next victim. The next one was a good one he was
a veteran cast member. I had worked with him many times. In the earlier years
he made several jokes about me comparing me to Teddy Ruxpin, a talking teddy
bear. He stopped doing that after he watched me in a fight with a drunk and I
tossed the guy over a bridge into the Blackstone River, however I never forgot
the insults. He walked away from the house to smoke a joint and have a piss. I
didn’t want to waste an arrow on this guy; I wanted to do him up close and
personal. I took my machete and snuck up from behind. He turned and saw me.
“You!? What the hell are YOU doing here?”
Those were the
last words he would ever speak in this world. Before he could even move, I took
his head off with one swipe of my machete. I took his head with me. I thought it
might prove useful later.
I figured sooner
or later they will make a run for it so I’d better disable their cars. On one
car, a pickup truck, I opened the hood and connected a wire to one of the sparkplugs
then ran the wire underneath the truck to the gas tank. Then I put the other
end of the wire into the gas tank itself. The wire was the same color as the
truck and it was dark, so in a panic they would be unlikely to see it. The end
result would be when someone started the car, boom! The next car I simply
punctured the gas tank to let the gas drain out into a gas can. I thought the
gasoline might prove useful later. On another car I loosened the lug nuts on
the tires so the tires would fall off. The others I simply flattened the tires.
No one would escape me this night.
The owner of the
house was a kinky bastard. He enjoyed sex toys and restraints. In his back yard
was a human sized turn table with restraints for forced group sex. After a
while one of the girls went out back with two guys to play on the turn table. This
bitch went with every single guy in the cast but me claiming I was too creepy. Jeeze,
a guy gets caught with one damn sheep and he’s marked for life. I waited until
she was restrained and blindfolded. After the first man, a heavy-set comic book
store owner, inserted himself into her from behind and she opened her mouth to
take in the second guy, an equally large man, and would-be politician, I fired
from five feet away. The arrow went completely through the first man’s head and
into the throat of the second man. They both died instantly, but the man who
inserted himself stood rock steady on his feet, his brain had caused some kind
of muscle freeze. An extra bonus for me! The man with the arrow in his throat
had an arterial spray sending blood down on the woman on the turntable for a
few seconds before he fell over. Apparently, she thought he was urinating on
her as she squealed in delight—and I’m the creepy one? I ran up quickly
and severed the penis of the first man at the root so the shaft stayed in her.
At this point she
seemed to realize something was wrong and tried to get free of the restraints. I
took her head off with my machete, another souvenir for me to use later. I
walked away carrying her head. Before long, the others would start to notice
people were missing. So far, the score was six down and twelve to go. This was
getting to be fun.
I returned to the
woods to plan my next victim and soon I got a two for one. Two cast people
walked out the front door heading towards the cars. At first, I was worried
they would find the sabotaged cars, but no they just wanted to smoke a couple
of joints. One, I knew well, he used to be a very close friend of mine, but when
the ouster took place, he didn’t speak up for me. He stood by silently and
allowed them to vote me out. His death would be painful.
The other I didn’t
know at all but I recognized her from her movie roles. This woman was one of a
very few cast members to actually advance to becoming a professional actor. She
wasn’t involved with the vote but I really couldn’t leave witnesses so she had
to die as well. In this case I simply walked up to them carrying my machete and
gas can. “Hello Andy,” I said. “Hold this for me for a moment, will you?” I
handed him the gas can. “I need to get at my weed.” This guy was a bigger
stoner than me and that’s saying something. His eyes sparkled at the thought of
more pot. In one quick motion I swung my machete and decapitated the young
actress. Her head seemed to actually live for a few moments before it bled out—her eyes looked at me with a ‘why?’ expression.
“I’m really very
sorry,” I told her before she bled out. “I can’t leave witnesses.”
My old friend
looked at her headless body in a shocked silent horror. “Shame on you,” I told
him. “She was young enough to be your daughter! Suppose your wife Fran learned
of this?” I kicked him hard in the testicles. As he dropped to the ground holding
his groin, I took the gas can from him and poured the gas all over him. “You
should have spoke up for me buddy,” was my last words to him. I walked away
about ten feet. I lit one of my arrows on fire and shot him—igniting the gas. Amazingly
no one in the house heard the whoosh of the gas going up or smelled the burning
flesh. I knew the music was a bit loud and they were all indoors but damn you’d
think they would have noticed—something at least. I returned to the darkness of
I hid in the
darkness and watched the house from behind, they still didn’t notice anyone was
missing, they were partying so hard. The barbecue was fired up for food later
but no one was attending it because they hadn’t put the steaks and such on it
yet. I snuck up and closed the lid and placed the head of the man on top of it,
once they found him that would really get the party started, at least my party
anyway. As a side note to any who read this story, see what happens when you
exclude people from your party?
After about a half
hour they decided to start cooking the food. Two of the girls went out back to
get the barbeque going and saw the head on top of the grill and screamed. The
rest ran out to see what was happening and saw the head. Not very far away they
saw the turntable with the headless woman and two men. They started to panic
and decided to make a run for the cars to get the police. I ran around to the
front of the house and threw the head of the woman from the turntable through
the window! I crouched behind a big rock with my crossbow at the ready. They
all came spilling out the front door at once in a blind panic falling all over
each other in a desperate attempt to escape!
I put an arrow
through the head of the owner. The kinky bastard was supposed to be my friend
as well. He was the cast leader and could have stopped the vote but he let me
get railroaded out. That was bad enough, but he didn’t invite me to the party
and he invited cast people that hadn’t performed in years. I got him right
between the eyes.
A few of them saw
me and recognized me, but it didn’t matter—nobody was getting away. They made
it to the cars. A few quickly learned all four of their tires had been
flattened. One of them learned his car no longer had any gas. They all piled
into the remaining car, the pickup truck, the one rigged to explode! The boom
was quite satisfying. I thought I got them all but surprisingly one actually
climbed out of the wreckage. All four of his limbs were on fire! He screamed in
pain and danced a macabre dance trying to put out his flames; he dropped to the
ground and trying to roll it out. This was my final stroke of luck for the
night; this was the guy that started my ouster vote in the first place. He
actually managed to put out his flames and looked up at me from the ground
moaning in pain. “You know I could have pissed the fire out for you if you
wanted, all you had to do was ask,” I told him as I notched my final arrow and
put it through his head.
I collected my
crossbow and machete, then looked around to make sure I didn’t leave any evidence
of my identity behind. I got in my car and drove away. It was a shame I thought
to myself, they had just done the best show ever.
later, after all the police investigations had died off for lack of evidence, I
went to the owner of the theater we had performed at for so many years and
asked if I could resurrect the show in the memories of all my departed friends.
He knew of the ouster of course, but didn’t know I was purposely not invited to
the party. Rocky was a money maker for the theater so he readily agreed. I
simply took possession of the spotlight and props. I ran an ad in the
Providence Journal asking for new cast members to come join our new show. Many
people replied including a few old faces that simply weren’t there that night.
The show, and the Rocky cult, will go on as it
always has, as it always will. No more ousters—it hurts people’s feelings.
© 2022 Ray Prew
Bio: Ray Prew was originally from
Rhode Island, but now lives in Florida. He is a graduate of the New
England Institute of Technology. Ray has been a blue-collar worker all
his life, and started writing as a hobby. He spent 9 enjoyable years as
a phone psychic. Ray’s work has been published in Spinetinglers
magazine (6 times) one of the stories was used in a trivia quiz. Two
Spinetinglers stories are on You Tube, one story called Some Monsters
Are Real is narrated by someone, and the other was made into a short
video called "Let Me Out by Ray Prew." He has been published in Blood
Moon Rising (7 times including 2 poems), Aphelion magazine (12 times
including 2 poems) as well as several other magazines. He has an
anthology book of published and unpublished stories available on Amazon
called Delightful Nightmares. His work has also appeared in the
anthology vicious circle season one put out by sinister grin, and one
poem in an anthology of vampire poetry called vampoetry.
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