Surgard had not journeyed far into Remulus when he was met by a man named Vitellus. Vitellus seemed to wear a mask of perpetual concern. His robes were rumpled with worry. Surgard was bothered by this man, for he was the sort that Surgard would find it hard to say no to.
As sure as Surgard was northerner, Vitellus was a man in need of help. "Oh, stranger," he said, "are you a warrior in good stead with your gods?"
"I might be," Surgard replied. He wasn't certain if this was a customary greeting. But he was eating in a local establishment, and was reluctant to do or say anything that might give offense. "Why do you ask?"
"May I join you?"
"You may."
"Thank you. I am called Vitellus, and I am the Mayor of a small village two days from here."
"I'm Surgard."
"Pleased to meet you. Surgard, my village is plagued by an evil beast called Gargan. He steals our livestock and eats them. He pollutes our crops with his filth. He defiles our temple at least once every moon."
"Have you asked your leaders to send a warrior?"
Vitellus heaved a sigh. "We have. But we have been told that we must gather proof that Gargan is responsible for our woes. We must have sworn statements from several sources, including from at least two persons not residing in our village."
"That's odd."
"Not really. Quite civilized, in fact. Our problem is not that. It's that no one has been able to actually witness Gargan's wicked deeds. He acts at night, and is a dark and swift creature. Without witnesses we cannot submit our request for help!"
"So what is it you want me to do?"
Vitellus glanced around the establishment. "I wish to hire a warrior," he whispered. "A man who will dispatch Gargan quickly and quietly."
"I see. Tell me, Vitellus, why ask me?"
"The only warriors I can find around here are already employed. I'd have to obtain permission from their employers. We'd have to be able to compensate them if they're hurt or killed. It's all very expensive."
"While I would work cheap?"
"Oh, no. We will pay you well. It's just that we can't pay all these other people on top of hiring a warrior."
"What makes you think that I will be able to dispatch this Gargan?"
"Well, you've obviously come here from a long way away. I presume you could not do so without skills or wits."
"Fair enough. All right, Vitellus. I shall deal with this Gargan as best as I can. Shall I ride with you back to your village?"
"I don't think that's wise, Surgard. The Gargan might spot you with me. As I said, it's evil but also smart."
"Does anyone in your village know why this Gargan plagues you so?"
Vitellus shook his head. "I think it may have come from somewhere else. Perhaps a traveling merchant here has heard of it."
"Perhaps."
Vitellus reached into a small bag at his hip. He took out a silver coin and handed it to Surgard. "This is for agreeing to come. I'll pay two more when you arrive, and six more when the beast is dealt with."
"Very well. I'll spend the rest of this day learning what I can, and maybe tomorrow too. I'll leave no later than the day after, and travel as fast as I can. Then we'll see if we can't stop this Gargan from ruining your village."
"Thank you, Surgard." He shook Surgard's hand, rose, and left the establishment.
Surgard did as he said, spending the rest of the day and much of the next asking questions. His efforts did not turn out as well as he had hoped. He learned only hints and rumors, vague stories from second-hand sources. The beast might have been a human turned by dark magic. It could have been a god cast out by his fellows. It was an ancient creature, or possibly as much a newcomer as Surgard. Many had heard about it, but few knew anything of substance.
On the third day, as Surgard was preparing to set out for Vitellus’ village, a man came to his room at the town inn. Compared with most of the people Surgard had met, this man was very well dressed. He had a stern face and a stiff manner.
He stood in the doorway and asked, "You are Surgard, the warrior?"
"I am Surgard, yes. But not a warrior by profession. Why?"
"I am Decius." He handed Surgard a piece of parchment. "I have been retained by Gargan. He is suing you for agreeing to inflict harm to his body."
"Excuse me?" Surgard had heard many a strange thing in his day, but this was beyond the pale.
"Since you have not as yet harmed Gargan he cannot bring law enforcement to bear against you. So, to protect himself, he is taking this action."
"You must be joking."
"I am quite serious, Surgard. The trial will commence in two days. I strongly suggest that you immediately retain council in this matter. Judges do not respond kindly to non-citizens representing themselves in court." Decius nodded once, then walked away.
Surgard wasn't entirely certain what exactly was going on. All he knew for certain was that Remulus was not a pleasant land to visit.
He could figure out enough of what Decius had said. He asked the innkeeper for advice, and was pointed to the office of Albinus in the center of town. He explained what had happened, showed him the parchment, and asked for the little man's best advice.
"I hope you have plenty of coins on hand," was the first thing Albinus said.
"Why?"
"There is a good chance you might lose this case, Surgard."
"What's that supposed to mean? You people actually let monsters into your courts? You listen to them?"
"Well, no. This is the first time I've heard of a case such as this, and I do keep up on our legal history. But there is a similar precedent that could prove helpful to Gargan's case."
"Say that again in language anyone can understand."
"There are cases where one person has hired a second person to do harm to a third person. The third person finds out before the second person can act. That third person sues the second, thereby exposing the danger to himself. The second person cannot act, and the first person will find it hard to hire others to carry out his attack."
"I suppose that's reasonable enough," said Surgard. "But that doesn’t explain why a monster despoiling a village would sue me."
"I confess I don't see why, either. All that we can do is go to court, argue our case, and hope for the best."
Surgard agreed to follow Albinus’ lead and fight the matter in the local court. Aside from outrage at the indignity, he also felt suspicious about what was going on. Why should a monster go to this extreme? What did Gargan think he could gain from this?
The obvious answer, to protect himself, didn’t seem to fit. If the creature thought he could defeat Surgard he wouldn't invoke the law. If he couldn’t he'd flee to another village to wreak havoc.
Surgard wondered if the beast wasn't trying a bit of intimidation on the villagers. It already proved it could make their lives miserable; perhaps the next step was to show that hiring help was foolish. Instead of a display of strength it would triumph through cleverness. It could then tell the people, "Follow me or the next time I get nasty."
That reasoning made sense to Surgard, but there was still one problem: how did Gargan know he was coming?
He grappled with this question as his trial proceeded. He noticed that the judge, one Carus Probus, had allowed the monster to stay out of the courtroom and in his distant lair. He hoped that this hint of decorum would aid his case.
The monster's side was presented first. Decius read a brief statement by Gargan in which the monster said he'd heard Surgard was hired to kill him. After the reading Decius brought in one of serving maids at the inn to state that she had seen Surgard and Vitellus talk. Next Vitellus told why he had spoken to Surgard. Decius then had the various people in town that Surgard has asked for information testify. When the last person was done the judge noted that the day was coming to an end. He told Albinus that he could present his side the following day.
As they left court Albinus leaned close to Surgard. "I think I know how I can win," he whispered.
"How?"
"I shall call this Gargan to testify."
"And?"
"And when it fails to appear, the case against you collapses."
Surgard shook his head. "I'm sure Gargan has thought of that. You summon him, and I'm certain he'll appear."
"Oh. Yes, I guess you're right."
"But that might not be such a bad idea, Albinus."
"Really? Why?"
"I'd like to know how it found out I'd been hired."
So it was that, after a day's delay to get the Gargan into court, the monster appeared to face his opponent. It was a tall and scaly beast, with yellow teeth, red eyes, and growling voice. Gargan was sworn in and took its place next to the less-than-comfortable judge.
Albinus began by asking the beast its name and confirming that it had done all the terrible things that Vitellus had said it had done. "Why do you do these hideous deeds?" Albinus asked.
"Objection," Decius said. "The plaintiff is not being sued."
"The defense wishes to get an explanation on the record, your honor."
"Objection sustained," Probus said. "There’s no basis for your question, Albinus. Move along."
"Yes, your honor. Gargan, how is it that you learned that the defendant had been hired to stop your... behavior?"
"I heard things," the monster hissed.
"You can hear over great distances?"
"No."
"You can read minds, then?"
"No."
"Then how could you hear things?"
"I heard rumors."
"From whom? Tell this court the source of these rumors."
"I... I don't know this town very well."
"Then how is it that you learned of the defendant's plans? You overheard rumors from people you don't know? People who have never seen you before? Or is shape-changing one of your abilities?"
The monster's only reply was a toothy snarl.
"Tell me, have you ever met the witness Vitellus before?"
"No!"
"Are your certain? The penalty for perjury can be quite severe."
The beast refused to meet Albinus’ eyes. It said nothing.
Albinus turned to the judge. "At this time I wish to ask again why the plaintiff committed those outrages against the village."
"Objection," Decius snapped.
"The witness has implied a connection between... himself and another witness, the employer of the defendant and the leader of the threatened village. I submit that the plaintiff's implication now throws suspicion onto his motive for attacking the village, and perhaps for this lawsuit."
"The plaintiff is not on trial."
"Studian versus Verganius,' your honor. Once the plaintiff opens the door the court cannot force it shut again."
The judge paused for a moment, then said, "The objection is overruled, providing the defense can prove its allegations."
Albinus turned back to Gargan. "Well? Why the attacks?"
It growled. "Vitellus paid me to... do those things."
"Did he also tell you that he'd hired Surgard?"
"Yes."
"Did he tell you to file your suit against him?"
"He did."
"Why?"
"He wanted to make sure his people knew I was too smart to defeat. I was to ask for tribute from those peasants once I won the case. He said we'd split it evenly. I'd help him stay in power, and he'd keep me from being hunted like an animal."
Albinus turned back to the judge. "Your honor, in light of this testimony, I move that the suit against my client be dismissed."
Judge Probus looked at Decius to see if he objected. Decius shook his head vaguely. Probus tapped the table he sat behind. "The case of Gargan versus Surgard is hereby dismissed. Gargan, I shall have you escorted to town hall. I expect you to repeat what you have said here. Honesty will earn you leniency." He tapped the table again. "Court is adjourned."
Albinus shook Surgard's hand. "Well, we did it!"
"Yes, we did."
"Now, wasn't this more civilized that simply fighting that monster?"
"Well, you do have a fair justice system, I will say that. But tell me. Is it that easy for someone to sue another?"
Albinus started to say "No," but stopped. His head bobbed and his mouth opened and closed.
"In that case," Surgard said, "I think I shall move on to another land. I am in search of stories for the king of my gods. I don't want to run afoul of any more monsters or lawyers in my quest."
"Ah, but we have wonderful stories, Surgard. Stories that will surely please your god."
"Really? Like what?"
"Well, I always loved the tales of Matroclus, the crusading defender."
"A warrior?"
"A lawyer. Then there’s Gaius the Prosecutor, and Peramus the Wise Judge. Oh, and no one can forget the adventures of Coralus Caris. He rose from a village lawyer to be a provincial governor."
Surgard raised a hand. "I'm sorry, Albinus. But I don't think our people, or anyone outside of Remulus, will ever be interested in stories about lawyers."
Robert Collins has had stories and articles appear in periodicals such as Model Railroader; Marion Zimmer Bradley's Fantasy Magazine; Pyramid; Hadrosaur Tales; Of Unicorns & Space Stations; Fantasy, Folklore, & Fairytales; and The Wichita Eagle. His book "The Electric Way," about the Arkansas Valley Interurban railroad, was published in 1999 by South Platte Press. He has had three other railroad books also published by South Platte Press. He wrote and published a series of nine local travel booklets from 1992 to 1995; he also published a small-press magazine called "Story Rules" in 1996-7. Robert is a member of the Kansas Writers Association; in 1998 and 1999 he served as the KWA's promotions director.
E-mail: RLCkansas@aol.com
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