Aphelion Issue 274, Volume 26
July 2022
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Resume for BoD South Riding, VA

by Richard Tornello

I’m honored to serve the planet Earth for the last 3 to 4 millennia. I have been directly involved in such famous activities as, the Great Flood, the sack of Troy, the sack of Rome, the Spanish Inquisition, the Bay of Pigs Invasion, and the intelligence foundations for the Bush attacks in Iraq, to name just a few. I have written a number of important works under various pseudonyms including: the Bible (both old and new editions), the Koran, the Magna Carta, Fanny Hill, the Articles of Confederation, Catch 22, the Cat In The Hat, and the Tea Party Manifesto, to modestly name some you may know.

My Goals For Serving Up South Riding:

As this planet’s history lushly illustrates, and like many quark based sentient bipedal beings, I am seeking this office as a springboard to bigger and greater things especially social and economic benefit for family and friends. And if elected, The Trickle-down Theory will eventually benefit those who have elected me.

Other Leadership Activities:

More importantly, I have come to enjoy the company of all the creatures living here, and in so doing, If elected I have offered to spare this community from the power of the large-scale invasion fleet coming from my home sector, The ABELL 520 Cluster. I was sent as a teacher and ambassador to this planet some time ago as you can see by my resume.

I decided to relocate to South Riding because of its wonderful HOA which has a similar mind set as some of the governments I so respect and I’m sure you do too, like: North Korea, the People's Republic of China, Burma, and Iran. You’ll agree they illustrate current ideals to which we seem to emulate, but a much smaller scale. How quaint. Oh I love it. Vote for me!

The Personal View:

For all you interested in my personal life, I have had a number of wives which shows I can be flexible in various and demanding situations. I have a pet Schrödinger cat named Stella. I have the military and political experience as illustrated above and it’s probably just a wise decision to elect me, considering… (again, see above).

I am also the volunteer press secretary for Gina Harlow, a presidential candidate for this political entity of what I have no name for. What would you call an ex-republic?

So Write-in my name:

R.Stephen O’Llen-Rot
You’ll be glad you did

© 2011 Richard Tornello

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