Zaggzig Mann's Halloween

Shoot the Messenger
Zaggzig Mann's Halloween

CONFIDENTIAL

Report intercepted by elite operative from suspected alien subject known as "Smoker". Surveillance of office workers by alien probes continues, as indicated below.

Translated text follows.

* * *

Zaggzig Mann, Mission Sociologist, Spiral Arm Survey #34576217

System local calendar: October 31, 1997

Reactive behavior observed deviating from norm. Test subjects exhibiting classic burn out and simple aversion therapeutic mannerisms, indicated by selection of a new alcohol temple after last week's encounter with test probe 'Psycho Inmate on Parole'. Even after presentation of standard phrases and actions (per protocol) calculated to ameliorate possible racial impediments to social interaction, such as "Hey man, I love white people", and "You people are great, like, uh, science dudes.", and after numerous probe-initiated brachial clasping maneuvers called 'hugs', test subjects reacted negatively to probe, siccing managerial types on it, and causing it to be ejected from establishment.

Although some subjects were confused by ambiguity of probe cues, end result must be considered a failure for probe programmers, who have since honorably self-terminated.

Additional information will become available after probe reconfiguration and reassignment, but delay is inevitable as a result of shortage of probe programmers whose ranks have suffered terribly due to inability to anticipate irrational behavior of test subjects.

Suggest research scope be expanded to include religious activity called 'cable', as well as currently monitored 'broadcast' video. This should result in more representative model of societal modes, and should allow better behavioral sample for future probe personality modules.

Urgent matter: Request additional funds for emergency probe and nanobugs, as well as for lifetime subscription to "Spice" channel. Pls. respond ASAP

- Zaggzig

P.S.

Local ritual of "Halloween" which calls for poisoning unusually garbed primate young with highly fattening and overly sweetened food products most puzzling. Cavalier behavior toward health of offspring indicates ominous lack of concern for own safety, or serious lack of brain capacity.

The Suppression Corps may need to be called in on these clowns...

P.P.S. Send more probe programmers.

-Bubba-has-seen-the-aliens-they-look-like-a-Big-Fried-Egg!

"Let's just call them... the Phenomena"

- General Quentin T. Hardarse III, USAF (ret)

"General, I think you've got your Phenomena scrambled!"

- Lt. Pierce N. Gayze, USAF

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