End of the War, Crash of the Economy

End of the War, Crash of the Economy

A pointless S.F. story by Ryan Muirhead

I blame the events in this story for a rash that a Dr. W. Smith of the South Pole Research Center developed on the inside of his left elbow on Tuesday. I blame the invention of the telephone for the events in this story. Now keep in mind only the rash and the destruction of the Met!nazzezezn and Narinuknuk cultures were caused by this story. I hope you enjoy it.

It was like this. The warlike Met!nazzezezn and the blood thirsty Narinuknuk had been warring over such a long period of time not even the great memorizers of Trisagin City could not remember the slightest detail of how the war started. The Met!nazzezezn just hated the Narinuknukians and the Narinuknukians just hated the Met!nazzezezn. It was just the way things are. They ravaged the Bonyching star system with their disgusting battles to destroy each other for millions of years. This is how the war ended.

It was a lovely Saturday evening in the small town in the Southeren United States. The kind that made a person want to get out and walk around. Except in the South Pole. It was freezing there. It was also a Tuesday, because of different positions of the sun and time zones. That’s were Dr. W. Smith worked. He hated Tuesday. It was his job to unfreeze the toilet of the research center that day. But that’s beside the point. This story takes place much further north, in a tiny town in the Southern United States. The name of the town isn’t important at all, so please don’t ask about the name again.

The sun was setting below the horizon in a yellow and orange haze, and, before it finished its decent it sent out a sun ray, which heated a pocket of air on a small planet. That air rose upwards, and a warm summer breeze was formed. The breeze rushed down Main Street of the small town, took a right at Maple and River Side, went town past the Overwaitea, realized it had gone to far, turned around and mane a left a Maple and River Side, and continued on towards to 5436 Maple Street.

Tom Baker was practicing his base ball swing in his front yard. His mom was watching him through the screen door of 5436 Maple Street wile she talked on the phone to her friend, Missy.

Tom through the ball up, swung with the bat, hit the ball with the bat, and sent it flying to his next door neighbor’s house on the left. At that exact second, the breeze hit the ball, and sent it spinning. There was a loud smash, or crash, or whatever. Anyway it sounded like a window breaking.

“Tom Taylor Baker!” his mom shouted angrily at him through the screen door. She didn't even bother to cover up the telephone she was so mad. “You go over to Mrs. DeVon’s house and apologize this minute!”

The radio waves from that telephone conversation floated through the vast infinite of space for countless years. Some parts of the message weakened and broken. Other parts disappeared. Soon, by universal standards, the radio waves found a small planet in the Bonyching star system.

The Met!nazzezezn War Chief sat back in his chair, smiling to himself. This was the day he would destroy the great army of Narinuknuk. His millions of troops behind him smiled, too. His hover tank swayed slightly on the morning breeze. His head swayed slightly, but not because of the morning breeze, but because of the Golden Boxer Shorts of Power he was wearing on his head. It’s a Met!nazzezezn thing.

The Narinuknuk Power Lord sat in his exoskeleton suit watching with a thin smile. This was the day he would destroy the great army of Met!nazzezezn. His millions of troops behind him had thin smiles, too. He looked around. Each of his warriors had a Kill-O-Zap ray gun a their side. Each of the Met!nazzezezn swine had an old Laser gun at their pathetic side. He picked up the Coffey Mug of Fate from the dash board and drank some of the black liquid from it. The Coffey Mug of Fate was the holiest thing in the world to the Narinuknuk. Its a Narinuknuk thing.

“!E...hn...kwk...ra...ir!” a young Narinuknukian voice said over the radio. It meant, “Sir, we picked up something on the radio. You better have a look.”

The Narinuknuk Power Lord said, “.U...e.” which means OK in their language. He pressed a red button on the dash board of his exoskeleton suit. He realized he had pressed the self destruct button and quickly pushed it again to disarm it. He pressed a different button and a very faint voice on the radio said, “!Yo...g...ov...erto...M...Von...s h...ou...se...n...dapo...gizet...h...ute!”

At the same time the Met!nazzezezn War Chief picked up on the radio waves and his huge mouth fell open. The message in Yougon, the common language of the Bonyching star system, meant, “Let us make peace, you handsome thing, you!”

The Met!nazzezezn War Chief thought, "They said I’m handsome! That's the nicest thing anybody ever said by their own free will to me! Maybe those Narinuknuk ain't so bad after all."

The Narinuknuk Power Lord thought, "hey said I’m handsome! That's the nicest thing anybody ever said by their own free will to me! Maybe those Met!nazzezezn ain't so bad after all."

And so ended the war and a time of peace began. But the weak economy couldn’t support two civlizations at once. So the poor Met!nazzezezn and the starving Narinuknuk died out due to low income and inflation.

The End

I forgot to explain the rash! Well, now this story really doesn't have a point.

Copyright 1998 by Ryan Muirhead

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