Obscured by Madness by Gary W. Feather


Tell us what you thought about the October 2012 issue!

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Post October 30, 2012, 04:33:37 PM

Obscured by Madness by Gary W. Feather

I really didn't care for this one. The style is crude and sort of jerky, all flat with a monotonous rhythm that doesn't change. Altogether ungraceful.

That might have been intentional, to reinforce the impression that the two heroes were being a bit zombie-like in response to the wizard's influence on them. Not likely, though.

The author also spilled his box of punctuation marks and left about half of them on the floor.

Some of the characterization was nice, though; I especially liked the riverboat captain.
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Post November 01, 2012, 05:14:29 AM

Re: Obscured by Madness by Gary W. Feather

Well then!

I'll try to rephrase that feeling in another manner. The author seems to have worked hard on his background lore, such as the geography and the mythical heritage. What I think Lester is picking up on is that the Narrator's tone seems off. Writers need a sense of grammar when they write, and that does seem to slip a fair deal in the narrator comments.

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Post November 15, 2012, 09:30:16 PM

Welcome!

dacairns wrote:I liked the mythology and the story was pretty entertaining but I have to agree with Lester. It was poorly punctuated and contained spelling errors. It read like a first draft. I was prevented from totally buying into the story because of bad grammar.

Welcome to Aphelion! Please continue to use your insight commenting on more original literature and take a look at the flash challenges.
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Post November 15, 2012, 10:15:57 PM

Re: Obscured by Madness by Gary W. Feather

Welcome aboard, dacairns! It's good to have another new commenter.

Feel free to show us some of your work -- the flash challenge is still open this month, if you're interested (hint, hint).
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