Farmageddon by Steven Patrick


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Post April 02, 2007, 09:05:36 PM

Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Hrm. There's the kernel to a really good story here, but something about the telling of it is awkward. The pace is a bit too brisk, and a bit too strident, to really pull me in, and the outcome is too obvious to keep me in suspense enough to shock me at the end. None of the characters really drawn distinctly enough to become individuals and connect with the reader.

Still, an interesting attempt at using old fashioned fable to deliver a more modern point. With a bit more polish and depth this one could be a winner.

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Post April 04, 2007, 08:06:35 PM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Nice creative story set on a farm. Good writing and a nice moral at the end: Never play chicken!!  Ha, ha--- just had to get that in!!

All the chickens and roosters came alive and I could feel their eyes, see their expressions, and often felt as if I were among them witnessing each moment as it came. Very good use of sensory input as it should be in a story: Just enough for empathy.

Although Joseph was only a rooster, but by good writing technique a picture of a vicious, arrogant tyrant capable to smashing worlds upon worlds developed as the story unfolded, and at the end, Joseph’s twisted sense of destiny became apparent.

I liked it very much!!!
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Post April 10, 2007, 10:17:27 AM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

For a novel-length apocalyptic battle between Good and Evil set on a farm, try to find the novel 'The Book of The Dun Cow' by Walter Wangerin, Jr. (My favorite character -- the Eeyore-like (in his depression) Mundo Cane Hound, who mopes about howling 'Dooo-oo-oom and gloo-oo-oom' -- with good reason, in this book.)

Robert "Nobody here but us EVIL CHICKENS! Bwak-buk-buk-ha-ha!" M.
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)
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Post April 19, 2007, 06:42:52 PM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Yeah, but what does a flashbang grenade do? Or the visual purple ionizer used in Alfred Bester's 'The Stars My Destination'? Both weapons overload the senses and leave the target momentarily stunned and helpless.

(Okay, that doesn't mean that you could suggest to them that they -- heh -- cluck like a chicken -- but still ...)

Robert "500 more posts and I'll be back over 1000 again" M.
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.

Jack London (1876-1916)

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