He waits...


Tell us what you thought of the July 2009 issue!

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Post July 17, 2009, 06:14:10 PM

He waits...

I really like this story. I can almost see the groung coming up closer, and all the different lifes they had together. nice job!
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Post July 23, 2009, 12:26:08 PM

Re: He waits...

metal girl wrote:I really like this story. I can almost see the groung coming up closer, and all the different lifes they had together. nice job!


Personally, I hate the groung.

They smell bad and when they're closer, it's even worse.

Anybody know what that was supposed to mean?

Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post July 23, 2009, 12:37:45 PM

No, seriously...

If youse read the story, youse would know that "groung" is a typo for "ground", as in the thing that jumps up and slaps youse when youse jump off a roof. (Kinda like the Irish blessing ("May the ground rise up to meet you...") turned nasty and cranked up a few orders of magnitude.)

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Post July 26, 2009, 10:04:30 AM

For me, a few elements undercut the poignancy of the story:

In general terms, there's too much telling in the last two paragraphs, as if the author doesn't trust the emotions in the writing thus far to resonate with readers and make clear her meaning.

If these two people are genuine soul mates, wouldn't she be compelled to seek him out rather than send a letter?

It's odd, if not unheard of, that she waited in the car while her mother was in the emergency room for stomach pains. Could be considered a bit passive aggressive, unsympathetic at the very least. And her sudden decision to commit suicide at that time becomes a bit of a distraction. I mean why then? Even though we learn that her daughters will survive this, the "purity" if you will of the woman's pending departure is compromised as I'm thinking that it's pretty selfish to literally bail out on her ailing mother like that. If she is only there as a driver, then I'm assuming the mother is too frail/unwell to drive herself, so how is she getting home? One might say, well, that's way beside the point, but I disagree. The author decided that the hospital setting was where the suicide would occur and used the mother's ER visit as a means of placing the main character there, so now the consequences ought to be accounted for.

What are the 73 dimensions that he refers to? That number struck me as arbitrary, but I plead ignorance if it has its roots in some folklore. I'm assuming mention of them was designed to offer some kind if information, but for me it raised more questions than it answered, adding little to the main idea that these two soul mates spent eternity ccoming together and being torn apart. I would rather have learned a bit more about how they met and then parted ways. How did life intrude to keep them apart this time around?

The idea of a curse appears too late in the game for me. It struck me almost as an afterthought of the author, a device to explain their inability to be together from one lifetime to the next. Had it been introduced earlier in the piece, I think it would've been more effective.
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Post July 29, 2009, 11:46:47 AM

He waits

I hate to say this, so I'll just blurt it out: I hate this story. It's full of all the stupid new-age crap that holds so many women back from actually accepting their worth as individuals. This is the new Cinderella story with the handsome prince to rescue her. Only now - a woman needs to wait on the sidelines of her life until the man comes along who is her Soul-mate. Bullcrap. And then- if HE doesn't show up, she should throw herself off the nearest roof! Bullcrap. Please!
All of this "we've shared a thousand lifetimes before"bullcrap...well, you catch my drift.

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Post July 29, 2009, 03:47:35 PM

OK, so it's a little blunt, and I have been off the forum for a few years so I don't know what kind of perspectives are showing up, but it's good to see a (second-wave?) feminist critique here.
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Post July 29, 2009, 04:02:46 PM

I'm guessing bottomdweller doesn't like "Twilight"

Or anything with Fabio or his successors on the cover!

(Did you cheer when the goose or seagull or whatever it was broke Fabio's nose? C'mon, admit it.)

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Post July 29, 2009, 06:01:30 PM

the last part

Shakespeare addressed this desire, depression better in Romeo and Juliette as did Luhrmann's version with diCaprio. They were teenagers, not full blown adults.


Just a point.

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Post July 29, 2009, 06:14:30 PM

I've read it, I've read it so many times, its growing on me. Obviously some people have never dealt with suicides. Suicides don't care about what is going on at that moment, this character obviously didn't care that her mom was in the emergency room (I know in real life, my brother didn't care that he hung himself on a tree right outside my mothers window). I see this character looking back on her life and realizes that there is nothing left to keep her in this world. The death of a man she loved long ago, is dead, a man she was probably hoping to reconnect with.
But, I have to agree that there is a lack of details that need to be added.
If you read the author's bio, you'd also learn that the author was writing to relieve SOME pain.
if I had a dime for every word of kindness, I would still be too poor to buy coffee.
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Post July 29, 2009, 06:28:39 PM

pain???

Relieve pain privately, but when you put it out HERE? You are opening yourself to the slings and arrows of criticism and review. It's part of This Aphelion world. Trust me!

Suicide can be a selfish act of desperation and or one of honor. This was not honor.

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Post July 29, 2009, 06:51:51 PM

Anathymia wrote:Obviously some people have never dealt with suicides. Suicides don't care about what is going on at that moment, this character obviously didn't care that her mom was in the emergency room


That's just it--suicide is incredibly selfish and profoundly sad. And here, it's just... typical. That she kills herself over a lost love after going on to have a family sounds, well, mentally disturbed. Further, and maybe I'm misreading this, she seems to understand that she moves from one mortal life to the next, loving and losing this guy, ad infinitum, so her suicide seems even less tragically heroic and more utilitarian. Not too sublime... My take was that she was supposed to be a sympathetic character; she wasn't for me.

Anathymia wrote:If you read the author's bio, you'd also learn that the author was writing to relieve SOME pain.


I read the bio and chose to deal with the story on its own merits. Otherwise, there's really no reason to comment. And the fact that the story was submitted for publication, ie, exposure to an audience, suggests the author was looking for some kind of feedback.

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Post July 29, 2009, 07:16:35 PM

Re: the last part

thats true, that sort of thing should be dealt with privately.

[quote="rick tornello"]Shakespeare addressed this desire, depression better in Romeo and Juliette as did Luhrmann's version with diCaprio. They were teenagers, not full blown adults.[/quote]

but why it is differant, the YOUNG star crossed lover/fated to die for their love, opposed to the GROWN adult? I thought love has no bounderies, no limits
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Post July 29, 2009, 07:25:15 PM

sympathy, whether you like it or not

I have to admit, I can understand what's being said in this story. I have gone thru such an ordeal, well me and my boyfriend were together for years before he pasted away and the thought of seeing him again in the afterlife is reassuring, almost comforting. But I do remember a time when I had felt like just ending it all to join him. AND we were adults.
if I had a dime for every word of kindness, I would still be too poor to buy coffee.
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Post July 29, 2009, 07:55:12 PM

youth vs age

first, your dime comment, you run with a mean crowd. I'd have a whole plantation by now.

Youth is just that, inexperience, dramatic, surperlatives at every juncture, and little to no life experience. Wiser cooler heads prevail hopefully with age. You carry on and do.

Old men don't fight wars!

I'm not going to address the afterlife myths at all.
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Post July 29, 2009, 08:28:26 PM

Re: sympathy, whether you like it or not

Anathymia wrote:But I do remember a time when I had felt like just ending it all to join him. AND we were adults.


And yet here you are, enriching this forum, rather than the dirt. Better for everyone, I'd say, and apparently making Rick's point.
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Post July 30, 2009, 10:58:44 AM

He waits

Someone said I was giving a ‘feminist perspective’. Really, my perspective is anti-suicide and pro-living. After seeing four of my friends and relatives kill themselves within five years, I am apt to say anything to de-romantize suicide. Someone mentioned “Romeo & Juliet”. Well, the whole point of that scenario was that if Romeo had waited for three minutes before plunging the dagger into his chest, Juliet would have awakened from her drug-induced sleep and they would have had the opportunity to marry and be as unhappy as the rest of us.
My cousin called her ex-husband and told him she was killing herself. The ex-husband was tired of listening to all the drama and didn’t “rescue” her for the ump-teenth time. So who discovered the body? – her 13-year-old son. That’s the deal – there is nothing romantic about suicide because someone has to be around to clean up the mess & there is always plenty of that. There is also no man waiting on the other side of death so you can finally be together.
And as far as the whole Soul-mates thing, finding someone who respects you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you is a difficult enough task without throwing in all this “we’ve been cursed to meet and part in hundred lifetimes” crap.

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Post July 31, 2009, 11:51:59 AM

Deception and belief

Sorry, I had to go back to the real world...back to my day job. I can't sit around critizing other peoples work.

I feel for bottomdweller, for someone who has had to go thru such tragedies, I can understand where they are coming from and why they don't believe in the afterlife or soulmates for that matter. But some people, like me, were lucky enough to have found their soulmate but like most things in this lifetime (my lifetime), I couldn't hold on to him. I made a stupid mistake and it cost me that happiness. I have lived my life since then, kids, jobs, enjoying what life can give me. Looking back, I had seen something missing and I went looking for him, but when I finally found him, he had already done what he had done. It made me very sad. I never did love anyone like I had loved him, I never found anyone like him (I know everyone is differant, with each new person, is a new experience, yes, yes, I know).

Which brings up a question, how can anyone sit there and read Sci-Fi, Fantasy, or any kind of Fiction and not believe in an afterlife, fate, destiny or even believe the "we die and we are reborn again"?

The story... so the scenerio can be changed, the age limits can be changed. Maybe submitting this story was a bad choice as a first (shrugs with hands in the air, an expression of 'oh well' on face). All I can tell ya is this...its only the beginning. :twisted:
if I had a dime for every word of kindness, I would still be too poor to buy coffee.

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Post July 31, 2009, 11:56:34 AM

My quote

The 'dime' comment refers to all and any critic who gave any writer a bad review.
if I had a dime for every word of kindness, I would still be too poor to buy coffee.
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Post July 31, 2009, 12:05:26 PM

soul vs energy distruction vs afterlife

I would suggest "What The Buddha Taught" Walpola Rahula Grove Press, in paper isbn 0-8021-3031-3. That might give you a hint to your question.

As many people that read are as many points of view. To state or postulate as you do, because of X, then your assumption follows, is the only understandable or correct one?

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Post July 31, 2009, 02:59:29 PM

Re: war

rick tornello wrote:...
Old men don't fight wars!

...
RT


For a while we had a serious problem last administration with the older men *starting* wars and THEN not fighting in them!

50 young hotheads = a gang story in a blighted city. 50 old hotheads = a billion dollar down payment on misery.

The cooler head currently prevailing is much younger.

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