Soigné Voyage by George Schaade


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Post August 12, 2013, 11:54:59 PM

Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

Interesting trick at the end, but it struck me as being just too easy on all the characters. I think the story would have been more interesting without the plot device getting them all off the hook, as it were.

That may have also been the reason that the story seemed to end too quickly for me, as well.

There was a bit of overtelling, here:
"Wait! Wait!" Geoff interrupted. "Slow down. Let me get this straight." He thought for a moment. "You're saying that fifty years ago Max somehow slipped past security to get on the Soigné Voyage where he had an affair with Margaret Conway right under the nose of her husband. When the explosion took place her husband died, Max was frozen, and she survived to give birth to Philip Conway, one of the most influential men in the universe. Is that right?"
stating almost exactly what had just been said just a few paragraphs previously.

Also,
his light brown hair was neatly quaffed.
To which I can't help thinking, "Bartender! There's hair in my drink! A whole lot of it!" Of course, the word the author wanted is "coiffed." Damned homophones, anyway. This word is a little ill-fitted for describing a male, anyway -- the author should have just gone with "Werewolves of London" and said, "his hair was perfect." I don't think there's anything wrong with borrowing a phrase that's that good.

This story does appeal to me in one way, though; I'm a sucker for stories about space legends (I wrote one myself). I wish this one had done a little better job.
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Post August 14, 2013, 02:12:37 PM

Re: Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

Loved this story! I mean I absolutely, positively thought it was one of the best things I've read in a long time.

It worked so well, and on so many levels... Everything from the concept of having it presented like a documentary on the "History Channel" to the "mystery" itself.

All I can say is wow! and wow again!

Oh yeah, and the author's from East Texas (like me). Well that never hurts!!!

Great stuff; please send more!

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Post August 14, 2013, 04:26:54 PM

Re: Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

I liked this story. It was a quick/fun read. Of course the story leaves a lot of questions unanswered. What really caused the explosion of the spaceliner? Was the relationship between Max and Conway's mother mutual or did he use his power to manipulate her? Of course, that's not what the story is really about, and it's always good to leave your audience wanting more, right? I also liked that the set up, which was nicely done with the Soigné Voyage backstory, didn't give any hint, whatsoever, of the ending. This type of surprise ending shows up frequently in flash fiction; so... George, you should consider joining us for our monthly flash challenge in the forum. :)

Nice catch on quaffed/coifed Lester. Those homophones will get you every time.

John
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Post August 14, 2013, 04:54:56 PM

Re: Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

davidsonhero wrote:...

Nice catch on quaffed/coifed Lester. Those homophones will get you every time.

John


Oh, no! John and Lester are homophonophobics!
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Post August 14, 2013, 05:50:51 PM

Re: Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

Robert_Moriyama wrote:Oh, no! John and Lester are homophonophobics!


:lol:
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Post August 14, 2013, 07:46:38 PM

Re: Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

Robert_Moriyama wrote:
davidsonhero wrote:...

Nice catch on quaffed/coifed Lester. Those homophones will get you every time.

John


Oh, no! John and Lester are homophonophobics!

Well, I don't know about John, but I'm not phobic . . . just -- selective.
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Post August 15, 2013, 09:24:02 PM

Re: Soigné Voyage by George Schaade

Thanks for the comments.

Jay, all I can say is Wow! Thanks for the kind words.

Thanks, David. I am considering a flash story for Aphelion.

Lester, I am soooo embarrassed about the quaffed/coiffed error. (Quickly applying palm to forehead creating a loud fleshy sound) Doh!

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