Good Night, Timmy by Rick Grehan


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Post April 19, 2013, 07:44:14 PM

Good Night, Timmy by Rick Grehan

Heavy narrative with a nice blend of action and dialogue. When recording, I lean toward lots of exposition in a story when possible, giving the power of the storytelling to a single voice actor and highlighting it with dialogue from supporting actors. The author's story is slow moving, but retains the reader's interest with great scenery and plot set ups. Keen focus on detail.

Excerpt from the story
The sheriff waved his flashlight beam through the woods in exasperation, searching for anything that might suggest a solution.

"Damnation, Robert," he growled, "we have to do something!" He considered returning to his squad car to radio for help from one or two of the nearby towns. He was about to tell Bob his plan, when the man gasped.

"Sheriff, look!" Bob whispered.

Sheriff Fogg swung his flashlight around. Both beams illuminated the area at the boulder's base.

The snakes were leaving.

"Damnation!" the sheriff hissed.

They were all sliding, flowing like a dark liquid. Both men followed the serpents' winding, glistening bodies as they moved away from the rock, deeper into the woods.

"They're leaving!" the sheriff said. "All heading in one direction."

"Looks like they're going for the river. Where I 'spect they come from in the first place," Bob said.

The men watched in silence. The boys had stopped screaming, so the only sound was the rushing rustle of the countless serpentine bodies sliding over dry leaves. It took no more than two minutes, and the last one was out of sight. The men searched around the rock's base with their flashlights.

"All of 'em gone," Bob said, shaking his head.

The sheriff was shaking his own head as he examined the ground, kicking at leaves. "'Til the day I die, I will not forget that sight," he mused aloud. Then, he swung his flashlight up and two wild, dirty, and tear-streaked faces appeared.

The telepathy is a nice instrument to create an eery feeling for the aliens and the reactions of others to them.

There is believability to the story, cause the alien characters attributes are subtle.

A smooth ride as Bill would say. It is worth the read!

Mark

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Post April 20, 2013, 01:19:18 AM

Re: Good Night, Timmy by Rick Grehan

Mark Edgemon wrote:Heavy narrative with a nice blend of action and dialogue. When recording, I lean toward lots of exposition in a story when possible, giving the power of the storytelling to a single voice actor and highlighting it with dialogue from supporting actors. The author's story is slow moving, but retains the reader's interest with great scenery and plot set ups. Keen focus on detail.


Mark, there's a fascinating comment here about the differences between "voice productions" and "written stories". I've long believed that there are crucial elements that work for one or the other, but I haven't yet made any of my semi-formal studies yet. In another thread this would be an awesome topic to get into. Maybe Writer's Workshop?

Misc elements to remind myself of:
1. Word Count / Word Placing
Sometimes short stories at Flash or Near-Flash lengths work better in sound productions than typed stories. In Typed Land, I made a few of my own Audio Books a long time ago, and I think I liked lengths about 3,000 words and up. But this has been years ago.

2. Use of Aux. Sound Aids
I believe that you Mark are really good at picking auditory sound clips to back a story, so when they are not there, I think strange problems might occur to a few of your stories. Same thing with specific timing of lines.
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Post May 11, 2013, 01:32:19 AM

Re: Good Night, Timmy by Rick Grehan

Nicely done story. It moved very smoothly, and had a fresh plot.

I was expecting Timmy to have the evil twins go throw themselves in front of a train, or maybe have the guy with the Nash-Healey run them over. They all got off easy, but hopefully they would all be a little more considerate in the future. It seems that maybe Timmy could have done something to change their minds -- literally -- but that wouldn't have been in character for him.

Characterization is excellent and consistent throughout; setting detail is very well done. An easy ride, indeed (and thanks, Bill Wolfe, for such a useful phrase).
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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Post May 11, 2013, 01:40:07 AM

Re: Good Night, Timmy by Rick Grehan

Lester Curtis wrote:An easy ride, indeed (and thanks, Bill Wolfe, for such a useful phrase).

With a motorcycle icon, an author could be known as, "Easy Writer". Image

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