Founding Fathers By Daniel C. Smith


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Post June 12, 2008, 08:09:33 AM

Founding Fathers By Daniel C. Smith

I really liked the tagline on this story. It would be a rare story indeed that lived up to a tagline like that.

The story itself was interesting, although it occasionally felt like - like a skeleton of a story. A bit more sensory description could have gone a long way, and a bit more showing instead of telling would have been a big help...

I mean, I know what happened, but most of the time, I didn't see it happening, if you see what I mean.

The plot was good, though, and well resolved.

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Post June 12, 2008, 10:11:06 AM

Re: Founding Fathers By Daniel C. Smith

Quite a tale. Corporations taking over the world is nothing new, and the old ‘scrooge’ thing has also been played out over and over in many stories: Thank God that in this story those two themes are given a fresh and exciting face-lift---especially ‘Scrooge.’

This story is captivating and it held my interest from beginning to end. The writing good, character development average---I think some more description might have enhanced the character’s individual qualities. Cyril’s son and Cyril’s only friend could have been developed more, but for a short story I think enough was said about them.

Cyril wants more wealth. He craves wealth! He flips an old gold coin around his finger, yet in his day currency is handled in cyber-space with no need to have paper or coin money, anymore. The gold coin is a nice touch on symbolism.

Cyril gets to the asteroid belt first because his brother, Senator Seamus McGreevy, buys some time for his younger brother, Cyril.

Once Cyril’s mining operation is up and running, the world is taken over by corporations, that have united.

And a resistance on Earth has sprung up with Senator Seamus McGreevy the president.

This story has a snap-shots of American policy, corporate greed, and greed in general. And has themes intertwined with the plot that keeps the story moving.

I liked this story, liked the writing. I might have made Cyril’s intentions a little clearer at the ending, and used some more sensory input, but these are just moot points and ones that would have changed the story, but not have made it better.


Nice job!


Kurt Vonegut’s Player Piano came to mind after reading this story.
Tesla Lives!!!
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Post June 16, 2008, 06:49:04 PM

Re: Founding Fathers By Daniel C. Smith

Just a doodle...I liked the part about the mother being a Unitarian Universalist, and the dad just calling her a good Christian woman. I'm an atheist...but UU has always seemed polite and understanding - almost Canadian. 8-)
Since the house is on fire - at least let us warm ourselves.

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Post June 24, 2008, 12:33:42 PM

Re: Founding Fathers By Daniel C. Smith

A fun story to read, very reminiscent of the sci-fi short stories of the late 1940 through 1950s. I agree with Junior Critic that there was too much telling rather than showing. The story really could be turned into a novella if not a novel on the shorter side. there were some great touches here, such as the gold coin, the comedic one-liners in the dialogue and Seamus' affection for the ex-Marine teacher. Keep writing - I want to read more of your work!
Rob Bignell
Check out my SF Web site, Inventing Reality (http://inventingreality.4t.com/)

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