Our Timid Friend by Robert Starr (SPOILERS)
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Tell us what you think about the August Issue
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Yes, the punctuation was on the sparse side. It was a little annoying, but (considering the narrator's age) might even have been deliberate.
As for a boy dying from being tripped while running -- stranger things have happened. If there was a large enough rock where his head happened to land...
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Perhaps, and giving the narrator a voice that suits their age and personality is necessary, but I wouldn't agree that this excuses deliberately using bad grammar (not saying this was the case here). After all, people still have to be able to read it, and the mechanics of writing have to allow that. It should be possible to give the 1st-person narrator a unique voice and still write well.
The explanation for Benny's reaction is okay, but it came out of the blue. Maybe I would have been more satisfied had we learnt more of his thoughts- of course that is not easy, given the narrator does not know what he is thinking!
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Robert
You must find Faulkner a horror.
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Maybe our ears aren't so different--I read your story and was quite impressed with yours. Nice style. My radar works like this: I'm willing to believe almost anything if the prose sings in my noggin; the lyricism of great writing triggers my emotional response and suspends my disbelief.
Anyway Robert, my 'ears' just heard the NHL/NHLPA talks broke off again. I'm sure we both won't feel lyrical with no hockey next year, eh?
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All in all, a good read, combining King and the Matrix quite neatly.
Lee
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The Matrix? More like Lord of the Flies ...
Robert M.
PS Lee! Only one more post to reach the next Star rating!
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This story is like a darker "Stand By Me" without the annoying presence of Wil Wheaton.
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Hey, I liked Wil Wheaton, even as Weasely, er Wheezly, um the brainy kid :)
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Robert: sorry again for neglecting my duties and taking forever. it feels great to be a junior critic!!
will everyone get off wil wheaton's case? he wasn't half bad, and gates mcfadden (dr. crusher) ruled-she preceded all the later trek babes.
our timid friend had a lot of matrix feel for me, somehow. the desolate vibe, nothing is what it seems etc. maybe i'm just weird, though.
Lee
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will everyone get off wil wheaton's case?
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I wasn't kidding when I said I liked Wil Wheaton. I actually enjoyed some of teh episodes tha tcentered around Wesley, especially the Traveller ones.
Gene has said that Wesley was supposed to be him, as he would have liked to have been.
Kevin
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