Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan


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Post June 18, 2014, 11:04:46 AM

Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

This story grabbed my attention with its conflict between the earthlings and the aliens. Mr. Sullivan does a fine job writing dialogue for an assortment of roles.
I had some trouble following the story: I was confused by “they” and “their.” The writer changed “whole world” and “entire fleet” from singulars to plurals as he developed his paragraphs.
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Post June 18, 2014, 11:31:19 AM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

I have said it before kids:
Writing drunk is ok. (Papa Hemingway said so!)
But always do your editing sober! :oops:
Last edited by EddieSullivan on June 18, 2014, 03:30:43 PM, edited 1 time in total.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post June 18, 2014, 11:38:06 AM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

I am in the process of finding a writing partner who I can cross edit with. I seem to suffer badly from writer's blindness while editing.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman

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Post June 26, 2014, 04:25:10 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

I must be loosing it and or missing something, but here again, the twist ending doesn't work too well. Another story that need a better intro that helps to closes the idea at the end.

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Post July 04, 2014, 05:59:59 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

The last scene has very little connection with the rest of the story, and that connection is only whatever the reader supplies. Oh, yeah, it's that third world suggested by the title. Sorry, that isn't enough.

I did have to laugh at the quote:
Told you so!

I also enjoyed the statements by the various world leaders. You have a nice touch with humor.

You could have left this as a pure cautionary tale about hubris and it would have been better. You've got a few word choices that need reworked. Learn from your mistakes, Eddie; I already know you'll keep writing.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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Post July 04, 2014, 09:07:51 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

Lester Curtis wrote:The last scene has very little connection with the rest of the story, and that connection is only whatever the reader supplies. Oh, yeah, it's that third world suggested by the title. Sorry, that isn't enough.

I did have to laugh at the quote:
Told you so!

I also enjoyed the statements by the various world leaders. You have a nice touch with humor.

You could have left this as a pure cautionary tale about hubris and it would have been better. You've got a few word choices that need reworked. Learn from your mistakes, Eddie; I already know you'll keep writing.

You have become quite a talented reviewer/critiquer, Lester! Lots of compassion in these critiques tonight, relating to the writer's feelings and yet hard, sound advice to improve their craft.

Top Notch!
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Post July 05, 2014, 12:41:18 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

Mark Edgemon wrote:You have become quite a talented reviewer/critiquer, Lester! Lots of compassion in these critiques tonight, relating to the writer's feelings and yet hard, sound advice to improve their craft.

Top Notch!

Thanks, Mark. It doesn't happen passively; at least for me it didn't. I learned a lot of this by participating in critique groups, and I still have more to learn.

Sometimes I'll read a piece and the first thing that comes to my mind is, "That's awful!" (or something worse). Those are the hard ones (along with the ones that are so good you just want to hop up and down and grin). I have to make myself study the thing to find something helpful to say about it.
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Post July 05, 2014, 01:57:51 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

I hope I at least wasn't the first if I couldn't be the second.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post July 05, 2014, 11:38:17 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

EddieSullivan wrote:I hope I at least wasn't the first if I couldn't be the second.

Not to worry. I've written worse stuff myself. I'm just not gonna tell you where to find it. :lol:
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Post July 06, 2014, 08:02:40 AM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

Ha now I do feel better. THANKS LESTER! Now to Google to find the literary equivalent of your sex tapes! :lol:
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post July 06, 2014, 12:56:18 PM

Re: Three Worlds by Ed Sullivan

EddieSullivan wrote:Ha now I do feel better. THANKS LESTER! Now to Google to find the literary equivalent of your sex tapes! :lol:

There is a little of that, actually, but that's not the worst writing I've done. Please make the distinction between naughty and badly-written. (All right, some of that was badly written, too.) :lol:

Now and again I need to remind myself of my early efforts. Otherwise I might chew someone out for doing a thing wrong, when they'd never been taught to do it right.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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