Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Jack London (1876-1916)

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Nate! They didn't get the joke! They thought the "Sarahs" were actually chickens!
[snip]
I suspect that your reputation for copious description has sabotaged you here. You skirted around describing the Sarah in any detail, so the readers assumed that 'cluckers' must be chickens based on what little you did provide (all of which was ambiguous). Now, if you'd remarked on the Sarah's tangled and filthy HAIR, maybe ...
Robert M.

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
For me, the result was a sort of mechanical cadence that stole some of the story's impact; eg, "Her round face scowled at him under short, black hair. Over her brown, short-sleeved blouse she wore a wide, white apron..."
I must say that, for me, the blurb under the title's link undercut the strength of the beginning's ambiguity. Not being told what Alan was up to before the story started would've made for a more effective double twist at the end.
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
...I must say that, for me, the blurb under the title's link undercut the strength of the beginning's ambiguity. Not being told what Alan was up to before the story started would've made for a more effective double twist at the end.
Dan E.
Jack London (1876-1916)
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Jack London (1876-1916)
Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Nate! They didn't get the joke! They thought the "Sarahs" were actually chickens!
Robert M.
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
THis was your first horror story? Really. I thought it was very good. But its not hard to write horror if your wife has a family, is it? ;D
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
I did too get the joke...in a way. I noted that Alan called the cluckers "humans" near the end, and thought his Sarahs might actually be humans. But on the other hand, maybe calling them humans was only a part of his fantasy. So I went back and read the story again, and this excerpt convinced me that they were chickens after all:
>>She rolled her eyes. "She? Oh, don't tell me you named this one, too. Dammit, they're only cluckers -- stupid chickens...<<

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
That's prolly where Nate got his idea for the story! :o
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
- Samani
jaimie l. elliott
[b:2o4dvkjg]Check out my website:[/b:2o4dvkjg]
http://www.jaimie.org/

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Damn you, Nate! I was going to write a story with a similar twist at the end.. LOL
I liked the ambiguity of the ending. It could either mean that Alan was a giant or pretending to be one.
By the way, how did you research on the mechanics of slicing someone's head off? :o
Jack London (1876-1916)

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Brice Linch - Max Headroom

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Let's put it this way -- I'm not going to do anything silly like Google for 'missing pets' or 'missing persons' in Nate's area ... you know, just in case ... ::)
(And you'll notice how quick I was to change the blurb for the story to What Nate Wanted. One might almost suspect that I was afraid of him for some reason ...)

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
...For those of you really creeped out, there's a nice, regular fairy tale coming down the pipe in the next month or two, if that will make you feel better. That is, if Robert gives it a thumbs up...
Nate
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Strangely, I find myself reminded of a line from an Alice Cooper song; "While frends and lovers morn your silly grave- I have *other* uses for you, Darling..."
Oddly enough, the death toll in my Nightwatch has grown allarmingly. I may hold some sort of record... Is 414 a lot? Ha-ha! (Oops! Channeling Jack the Ripper there for a second. Down, Boy!)
Nate certainly spooked quite a few folks this month. Good story. The finer elements went past me until I read the commentary, I'm afraid. I didn't realize you could fit that many wheels within wheels within wheels... Nicely done. Had me doing psychosomatic cringes all the way through.
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Hey, I'm not sticking a thumb or any other part of my anatomy up, down or out around Nate unless somebody pats him down and checks for knives, swords, machetes, cleavers, scissors, shears, man-portable guillotines, cigar cutters, chain saws, circular saws, band saws, a capella saws (for those who can't afford a band), etc.... Then we'll run him through an airport metal detector and a body cavity search by Bruce-Arnold, winner of the Gay Mr. Universe competition ...

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Oh, sure, I haaad to tell you about my machete... :)
Nate
Jack London (1876-1916)
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Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
Stories that point in this direction can be a good playground for creativity and I think that all writers should atempt ones such as this!
Good job and I enjoyed the twists!
but then again I perceive things different from most people because I work with a bunch of aliens! Home grown ones that is reared here in the backwoods of Pennsylvania!
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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer

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Re: Another Sarah by N J Kailhofer
...Sadly, I can't talk about what the "home grown aliens" did. But if we ever meet, I'll tell you alone.
They didn't do anything illegal, and all of them are very good workers who have nice families! Most of them do, anyhow!
They went to a place that they shouldn't have gone to (not Viet-Nam or any other war or overseas but right here in Pennsylvania) to help out, and the only hint I'll give you is that it is in the middle of a river!
Most of them are sick now!! They would not listen because of the high pay back then!
Jack London (1876-1916)
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