Eat Me: My Dinner With….by Mark Edgemon and Robert Moriyama


Tell us what you thought of the September 2009 issue!

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Post September 30, 2009, 07:50:41 AM

Eat me

At least you guys (Robert & Mark) keep me laughing. Thank you. I was just saying that I don't critique a story without reading it first, and I don't criticise a movie (the Cell) without seeing it. Thanks again for the laugh, Robert, if not the ice cream.
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Post October 02, 2009, 12:54:11 PM

Can't we all just get along?

Mark Edgemon wrote:
bottomdweller wrote:Mark says, "Well, I guess I need to cross go inside a maniac's mind and heal his inner child off my list of concepts for my Halloween story."

There's $5 sitting on the table in front of me that says you never even SAW the movie in question The Cell! - at least not all the way through.
They don't play that kind of thing on the Disney Channel. How about that - sprititual enough for ya?


Did you take that shot at me after your 4th or 8th shot of whiskey this morning. Your likely blurred vision would account for the incorrect spelling of the word "spiritual" a word you may not be too familiar with.

Nevertheless, after your next bender, pay me another back handed compliment. I can use your posts as inspiration for one of my future fictional characters.

Mark


Ice Cream? I was going to suggest that Mark & Michele just get a room! (They live within a few hours drive of each other. . .)

On the other hand, Michele, I just read your Orion's Arm story. And to hear you've got one coming out in the new book is fantastic! I had already read your story, just didn’t connect the author name with ‘bottomdweller’.

I've been an OA fan for years. Okay, I'm a hard science geek (as some may have noted) and that Project is almost too hard for me to wrap my microcephalic brain around. Good for you.

The dual concepts of nano/pico/femtotech and Singularity is a bit beyond me. Congrats for making the grade.

I've been watching/reading/laughing-about these posts and have a few observations:


First: Many of bottomdweller's actual story critiques have to do with dialogue. Lest we forget, how someone speaks is largely outside the bounds of normal syntax or grammar. And the whole story was basically a monologue from the protag. It was all spoken word. All of it.

Mark almost can't make a mistake when it comes to this stuff. If his character overuses 'however' or 'that', well, lots of folks do. That's how we can tell if they are good speakers, or not. We can even tell that they may have been home schooled from these little quirks of speech.

In short, there is no ‘wrong’ way to do dialogue, unless the same character starts speaking in a different ‘voice’ for no apparent reason. If your ditch-digging, blue-collar redneck character sounds like he’s an Ivy League professor, you’ve probably done it wrong. Such dialogue is open to critique.

In some ways, it helps us--as readers--to understand what type of person is speaking. I stand by my original post that this story was humorous, silly, worth the read, and exactly as advertised. . .a funny romp with enough plot and structure to keep the reader engaged and entertained.

It ain’t gonna win no Pulitzer, but it’s a lot of fun and gets the job done.

Spelling is a different issue within in this narrow scope, but the spelling in the story is fine. The fact that both of you misspelled the word ‘grammar’ in your posts, speaks to a different issue. You are both even on that one.

And Mark. . .to be blunt. . .lighten-up. If you want to be a writer, you’re going to be critiqued. Do not take it personally and to imply that anyone with a negative comment must have been on their 8th shot of whisky, is no kind of counterargument, at all. It hurts your case much more than it could possibly help you. Even if—and I’m not implying that you were—you are totally right, you’ll still have to find a better way to counter someone’s critique than that.

You might as well just say ‘bite me.’ Wait, seems that one was already used in this string, as well.

So please play nice, kids. We’re all in this to learn how to do this stuff right.

My two cents,

Bill Wolfe
Last edited by Bill_Wolfe on October 02, 2009, 02:43:30 PM, edited 1 time in total.
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."

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Post October 02, 2009, 01:41:58 PM

Hey Bill

Bill Wolfe wrote:
And Mark. . .to be blunt. . .lighten-up. If you want to be a writer, you’re going to be critiqued. Do not take it personally and to imply that anyone with a negative comment must have been on their 8th shot of whisky, is no kind of counterargument, at all. It hurts your case much more than it could possibly help you. Even if—and I’m not implying that you were—you are totally right, you’ll still have to find a better way to counter someone’s critique than that.

I admire Michele and her writing ability. I was just entertaining her by trying to match her unique 2X4 style of comic repartee. I have not run into that type of dark comedic conversation before and it took me awhile to realize that this was her style of humor. We've talked about it in e-mail exchanges during the topic postings. It was all comedy from her saying they don't play the movie "The Cell" on the Disney Channel, meaning Michael Landon would find my writing tame, to me saying she takes shots at me in between taking shots of whiskey. Maybe I still need work perfecting those kinds of replys.

But I do take your advice seriously and will measure my responses from now on...I hope!

I find it a fine line between defending my work when I really believe in some particular decision I've made and responding to slams and put downs that is more for the commenters amusement than for the benefit of the writer. When technical questions are raised and or holes in the plot as Robert pointed out concerning an earlier version of this story, I receive those comments and reviews fine and glad to get them. It is a fine line that I need to discover how to walk more effectively.

Did you read the shout out to you in my flash story, "I Dare Anyone To Vote For My Story". I wanted to use your real name in the story's reference to you, but Nate after landing a spinning back kick to my mid section, convinced me to change the name to Bob.

Bill Wolfe Wrote:
I was going to suggest that the Mark & Michele just get a room!


Why don't we all have another barbecue and this time I will do the honors!

Mark
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Post October 02, 2009, 02:42:37 PM

Re: Hey Bill

Mark Edgemon Wrote:
.We've talked about it in e-mail exchanges during the topic postings.


Ahhhh....so you two have been carrying on 'outside' the FORUM. I kinda' suspected that.

Sure looked to me like there was some two-sided animosity, there.

My mistake. :oops:



Mark Edgemon Wrote:
Did you read the shout out to you in my flash story, "I Dare Anyone To Vote For My Story". I wanted to use your real name in the story's reference to you, but Nate after landing a spinning back kick to my mid section, convinced me to change the name to Bob.


Yeah, I noticed it. For what it's worth, I rated that story the highest, though I really thought you were talking about Bob M.

(No real names? Where'd that come from, [s]Nate[/s]. . .uh. . .Challenge Editor? I use my real name on every post. . .and these stories are just posts, after all.)

Good to know that there are no hard feelings. I'd hate have to send you both to your rooms for 'time out.'

Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post October 05, 2009, 10:12:57 AM

Eat me

Okay, now...An editorial writing Atheist is invited to a bar-b-que by a pamplet writing Christian...There's a joke in here somewhere. Mark Twain said...Go to Heaven for the climate and to Hell for the company. Going to the bar-b-que would be against my better judgement - thanks anyways.
Bill Wolfe: here's a link to the book: http://www.helfert.de/oabook/index.html
Grammer? Where's the spellcheck on this forem?

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Post October 05, 2009, 10:58:31 AM

Colosseum Barbeque...I Ain't Lion!

bottomdweller wrote:Okay, now...An editorial writing Atheist...

Bill, was she referring to you? That was a slap that came out of no where.

bottomdweller wrote:...by a pamplet writing Christian...

Wait a minute, one slap for the both of us!

bottomdweller wrote:Going to the bar-b-que would be against my better judgement - thanks anyways.

Your passing on the barbeque means that there will be more for the lions...in the colosseum...you know, the ones that eat pamplet writing christians! Or are you secretly one of them lions dressed as a forum critic.
Last edited by Mark Edgemon on October 05, 2009, 12:44:06 PM, edited 2 times in total.
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Post October 05, 2009, 11:37:13 AM

Okay, that's it. No ice cream for anybody.

Could we PLEASE go comment on some of the other under-served stories instead of sniping here? (I really don't know which one was supposed to be the Christian and which one was supposed to be the atheist, and frankly, I don't care.)

:x
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Post October 05, 2009, 12:42:52 PM

Re: Okay, that's it. No ice cream for anybody.

Robert_Moriyama wrote:Could we PLEASE go comment on some of the other under-served stories instead of sniping here? (I really don't know which one was supposed to be the Christian and which one was supposed to be the atheist, and frankly, I don't care.)

I was just keeping this forum topic interesting. There is no sniping here. We're just doing some good natured ribbing. However, I won't engage in further banter.

I'm sorry to hear about the ice cream though. I was kind of looking forward to it!

Mark
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Post October 05, 2009, 12:48:15 PM

Eat me

Stop it, just stop it. One of us is bound to have the last word - and it may as well be me.
I have submitted 2 more critiques since we started this mess, and they didn't go red - because I was nice - and I really enjoyed the stories - especially the Pale Nations of the Dead.
P.S. - I'm the atheist (yeah, it really is all about me) and perhaps the lion - that's my horoscope sign in fact...yeah, and I got the last WORD!

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Post October 05, 2009, 01:30:25 PM

Re: Eat me

bottomdweller wrote:Stop it, just stop it. One of us is bound to have the last word - and it may as well be me. P.S. - I'm the atheist (yeah, it really is all about me) and perhaps the lion - that's my horoscope sign in fact...yeah, and I got the last WORD!


If anybody deserves the last word, it's you!

From your friendly, neighborhood literary fan,

Mark

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Post October 05, 2009, 06:49:39 PM

I'm a little behind on my reading this month. Just finished Eat Me . . . enjoyed it, especially the play on words. Loved Sue Urass, the ambulance chaser. Took me half an hour to get through the comments. Barbecue and ice cream sounds good to me.

gino
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Post October 06, 2009, 09:24:34 AM

ice cream & bar-b-que

Gino from California is in for ice cream & bar-b-que. I'll meet you in the Texas panhandle on New Year's Day. Sounds good - Who's paying? What's that? - Las Vegas? - you're on!

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Post October 06, 2009, 10:22:23 AM

Reminds me of the time I got lost in West Virginia while looking for an old army buddy from the Viet-Nam war. I was on a Kawasaki 750 --two stroke twin--and just stopped at an old....

Always expect the un-expect! The natives seemed very nice and even friendly towards Sam the whole time they had him. And the big pot? Well spas do have different decor, some natural and others high tech and equipped with masseuses who have special power in their hands!!

The use of a large pot with vegetables adds realism as does the names. Good research. As I read the story, I got the feel that I were there, watching, feeling, and expecting.

The story is good as it stands. I enjoyed it, enjoyed the symbolism, enjoyed the humor very much---I always was a clown at work---and thought the writing effective with a pleasing rhythm.

“A large breasted native woman with an even larger snake draped around her neck came up to me and licked me on the cheek.”

This sentence has me baffled a little. Did the snake symbolize deceit? Or, just added for some realism. It was a very nice technique either way.

The poor natives just wanted a foreign cuisine---after all when you think about it, Sam probably took Geritol or some other vitamin supplement, had his usual medical shots, and even worked out. At least he hiked! Lean with a good muscle or two, and the native saw this!

When I retired, I thought I would have more time to write and visit Aphelion, read stories and critique. I have less time now! Everybody has me doing something like my oldest daughter who thinks I’m a ‘free’ contractor now to put down outside carpets, paint, remodel, or fix the car. I'm no contractor and no mechanic, but try telling my daughter that! I might have to return to work just to get some time off!
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Post October 06, 2009, 11:57:47 AM

Gino's comments

gino_ss wrote:I'm a little behind on my reading this month. Just finished Eat Me . . . enjoyed it, especially the play on words. Loved Sue Urass, the ambulance chaser. Took me half an hour to get through the comments. Barbecue and ice cream sounds good to me.

gino


Well I'm so glad you liked it, that mean's a lot from you. I was comfortable writing it, it seemed to flow.

Characters like the lead fellow in this story have always made me mad because of their being oblivious to the trouble they cause and so the humor in this story was a way for me to channel that indignation.

I should write more on topics or characters that create an emotional resonance with me.

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Post October 06, 2009, 12:12:20 PM

Megawatts comments

Megawatts wrote:Reminds me of the time I got lost in West Virginia while looking for an old army buddy from the Viet-Nam war. I was on a Kawasaki 750 --two stroke twin--and just stopped at an old....

Man, I remember those bikes and I wished I had one now!

Megawatts wrote:Always expect the un-expect! The natives seemed very nice and even friendly towards Sam the whole time they had him. And the big pot? Well spas do have different decor, some natural and others high tech and equipped with masseuses who have special power in their hands!!

I'm glad you're getting into the spirit of the humor. You can adapt your writing to any style. Very funny!

Megawatts wrote:The use of a large pot with vegetables adds realism as does the names. Good research. As I read the story, I got the feel that I were there, watching, feeling, and expecting.

I appreciate your recognizing the research that went into the piece. Studying the tribes of that region, the canoes they used and the geography helped to add authenticity to the story.

Megawatts wrote:The story is good as it stands. I enjoyed it, enjoyed the symbolism, enjoyed the humor very much...and thought the writing effective with a pleasing rhythm.

Well, there's no higher compliment than that! Thank You!

Megawatts wrote:“A large breasted native woman with an even larger snake draped around her neck came up to me and licked me on the cheek.”

This sentence has me baffled a little. Did the snake symbolize deceit? Or, just added for some realism. It was a very nice technique either way.

The snake was a set up to the jokes about that being the only fashion statement that nude savages could make and the one about the feather boa constrictor.

Thanks Megawatts,

Mark
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Post October 06, 2009, 12:20:55 PM

the large pot

Megawatts says: "The use of a large pot with vegetables adds realism..." Yeah, about as much realism as the same gimmic in "Pirates of the Caribean" where Johnny Depp (my hero) is found tied and suspended over a large black pot of vegetables, surrounded by hungry natives. Just one man's opinion.
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Post October 06, 2009, 12:38:02 PM

Re: the large pot

bottomdweller wrote:. . . about as much realism as the same gimmic in "Pirates of the Caribean" where Johnny Depp (my hero) is found tied and suspended over a large black pot of vegetables, surrounded by hungry natives.


Before The Depp. . .There was The Bugs. How many times was he placed in the big iron pot? I can think of at least three. Seems there was a penguin with him, once. . .but don't worry, Humphrey Bogart saved him by just walking-up.

'Course, nobody ever asks how these stone-age natives managed to mine, purify and cast an iron pot big enough for an adult human (or a six-foot rabbit).

Cartoon realism. . .the best kind.

Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."

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Post October 06, 2009, 12:49:21 PM

Re: the large pot

Bill_Wolfe wrote:. . .There was The Bugs. How many times was he placed in the big iron pot? I can think of at least three. Seems there was a penguin with him, once. . .but don't worry, Humphrey Bogart saved him by just walking-up.

'Course, nobody ever asks how these stone-age natives managed to mine, purify and cast an iron pot big enough for an adult human (or a six-foot rabbit).

Cartoon realism. . .the best kind.

Bill Wolfe


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Post October 06, 2009, 11:55:53 PM

I made a blunder about the motocycle. It was a 750 Kawasaki triple two stroker!! Boy could she blow out the oil. And fast? Well, in those days nothing could touch her in the quarter.

I'll be 61 this year and I can see that memory is starting to wan!!
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Post October 07, 2009, 08:16:49 AM

nevermind

Suddenly, at 12:55 in the AM, I , your very own Bottomdweller, adventurer and protector of that name that shall forever be sacred – Johnny Depp – came to the undeniable realization that the aforementioned actor and humanitarian was indeed being slow roasted, not boiled, by those around who were portrayed onscreen as cannibals.
As the veracity of this error unforgivable took full grasp on my waning spirit, I began to suspect the overwhelming truth: the whole missionary/adventurer in a boiling pot of water might have been a comedic device of the 1940s film industry, which someone (dare I say it – YES!) as privileged as yours very truly to have lived so long - overcoming all odds otherwise- would have probably only been privy to.
Therefore, I recant my earlier ravings against what might well be thought of as a sacrilege against his whose name shall forever remain holy: slow roasted, boiled, or deep fat fried, Johnny Depp is still Hot! Hot! Hot!
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Post October 07, 2009, 09:51:41 AM

Perhaps it derives from the old joke...

Much though I hate to prolong this not-helping-the-authors thread, the giant pot image is an old one that dovetails neatly with the old (racist) joke:

What is an anthropophagus*'s favorite kind of soup?

Cannibal's Cream of Missionary!

(* literally, man-eater)
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Post October 07, 2009, 10:55:39 AM

#s game

I say we try to break 1000 views before the zine changes over to October's issue.

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Post October 07, 2009, 11:40:41 AM

Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp did a masterful acting job in the movie, "Chocolat" a romantic comedy fantasy set in a mysterious town in the late 1950's. He plays an explorer/pirate type of character in this story as well.

What is little known is that he was also the lead guitarist in two of the movie's musical numbers. He plays guitar in the movie, but his music really comes alive in the musical score proving himself a gifted musician.

I have the complete musical score to the movie along with the 2 Johnny Depp numbers, if anyone would like a copy by e-mail attachment.

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Post October 07, 2009, 08:11:01 PM

Re: #s game

bottomdweller wrote:I say we try to break 1000 views before the zine changes over to October's issue.


So which is better? Having or wanting? I prefer having.

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Post October 07, 2009, 08:35:29 PM

Spock

TaoPhoenix wrote:
bottomdweller wrote:I say we try to break 1000 views before the zine changes over to October's issue.


So which is better? Having or wanting? I prefer having.


Did you get that from Spock? When he made a passing remark to his rival for his intended bride on the original Star Trek series. Something like, "having...is not so pleasing a thing...as wanting. It is not logical...but it is often true."

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Post October 07, 2009, 08:39:46 PM

Are you being Underserved?

Robert_Moriyama wrote:Could we PLEASE go comment on some of the other under-served stories ...?



I overplay the fine line between the Tarot fool and the court jester, but sometimes hyper-enthusiasm can kickstart a story thread even if the four respondents disagree. This is one of those self emergent threads; most of the other tales apparently didn't thunder onto the board.

I did have some matters to attend to early-issue on, but then I did let things take their course. Of the few big threads lately, some 60% of them grew nicely, but this is not the first one with some edgy tones. I think I'm also noticing a narrowing of the respondent base, so let's be careful not to be "the final straw" some particular month and lose a regular!
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