A Drop In The Well by Shawn Montgomery


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Post November 20, 2011, 10:21:42 PM

A Drop In The Well by Shawn Montgomery

About halfway through this story, I was seriously wondering when it was going to get to some point, other than detailing a minute-by-minute listing of non-events.

Then, by the time something did finally happen, it didn't make sense. That annoyed me, and I was already annoyed by the pointless detail of the first half of it.

The rest of it, clear to the end, continued to not make sense.

Well, okay . . . it seems that every person in the bar went to their own personal hell. Only the narrator survived. When I got to THE END, all I could think was that I'd just wasted my time.

Maybe this will creep out some of the rest of you, but for me, it failed.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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Post November 22, 2011, 08:43:55 AM

Re: A Drop In The Well by Shawn Montgomery

I found it engaging for the first half. There was some character development going on, hints at some interesting pasts. Then it all just went full on horror show with no explanation or conclusion from the narrator.
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Post November 28, 2011, 12:58:58 PM

Re: A Drop In The Well by Shawn Montgomery

This wasn't a bad story. Character development was good, they all felt like realistic people, and when it reached it's climax, I found it creepy. I could see all of them at a bar (I was pretty much raised in one, so I know bars) My problem was it took a too long to reach the point, and some of the dialogue between Kent and Joe felt really weird and akward, I wasn't sure if they were argueing or just trailing off. The jokes about people fleeing the village in Vietnam sounded fairly realistic, I've heard my uncles who were there say similiar things, but the rest was, as I said before just weird and I wasn't sure what the point of it was.

My advice, keep up the good characterization, but don't drag it out too much, especially in a short. Just add a bit to get some of the flavor of the individual.
“The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.”
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