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Music Man by Bruce Memblatt

PostPosted: July 06, 2011, 02:08:49 PM
by Lester Curtis
I got distracted by a couple of little glitches in this story, such as "free-er" . . . the correct spelling is "freer" (and maybe too simple to believe) -- also, "Avenue A and forth street."

The thing is, though, this story has a very attractive quality to it; it uses repeating themes about light, such as:
The red setting sun bleached through the buildings surrounding the intersection like cracked ice under a bed of bourbon.

and:
But the light in the room, there was something about that dim light that brushed against his skin like waves of change, like something was about to happen.

as well as the repeating theme of breaking glass, and it all sets a mood that is poetic and surreal, vaguely threatening but not definable. The contrast of themes suggests danger and hope.

This all produces a very effective but subtle atmosphere, and builds gently to the climax at the end, which I was a little surprised at, but not disappointed with -- at all.

Bruce, watch your spelling and punctuation -- the little details do matter -- but keep listening to your muse. Very nice work.

Re: Music Man by Bruce Memblatt

PostPosted: July 06, 2011, 02:41:17 PM
by Brucenad
What can I say but "wow" thank you Lester. Yeah I am always screwing myself with punctuation, but this story for me, there was something special about it, it just poured out of me in a way I've never experianced before, like magic.

Re: Music Man by Bruce Memblatt

PostPosted: July 08, 2011, 08:12:37 AM
by CCC
A very interesting story. I enjoyed it a lot. Though the ending was rather unexpected...

Re: Music Man by Bruce Memblatt

PostPosted: July 08, 2011, 09:40:45 AM
by Brucenad
CCC wrote:A very interesting story. I enjoyed it a lot. Though the ending was rather unexpected...


Thank you!

Yeah when I began to write Music Man I knew the ending was going to be hard to manuver mo matter what I did, so I tried to use themes of light
throuughout to make everyday things likelight take on other earthly qualities. And of course light plays pivitlol role in ending, but regardless very hard. so I decided to just go with it and prayed it worked.

Re: Music Man by Bruce Memblatt

PostPosted: July 08, 2011, 09:48:17 AM
by Robert_Moriyama
In my acceptance note, I described the story as the Apocalypse narrated by a beat poet (or something to that effect). The free-flowing, sometimes under-punctuated prose was a major factor in achieving that effect, so I mostly left it alone...