The Hill with an Evil Heart by C. B. Lovas


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Post July 06, 2011, 10:58:48 AM

The Hill with an Evil Heart by C. B. Lovas

Well, there's some bad news coming for the writer of this story . . . I might as well go first.

1) Hilltops don't flood. They drain.

2) Glocks don't have external safeties.

3) Very -- VERY few vehicles are capable of doing what that Jeep supposedly did. And a Jeep isn't one of them.

4) The dialog is really poor. Sorry, I had to say it.

5) Where did these demons come from? And, more importantly -- WHY?

I'll let someone else take over from here . . .
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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Post July 07, 2011, 03:30:16 AM

Re: The Hill with an Evil Heart by C. B. Lovas

Kyle

By he had a bad day.

Kyle, can you hear me?
Demon spy, wash the rain away.
C. B. Lovas writes the story in the way he wishes to say.
***
Hilltops drown, turn brown, and fade away.
Glock's: Never safe when pointed your way.
G.I. Joe would disagree, a jeep is but a name for a vehicle of a countries military mid-'m'ights dream.
Rich or poor, what kind of dialogue am 'I' trying to say.
Demons, ah now, those I know well.
Coming from inside, they drown out reason to replace it with pain.
Why? Ask Kyle, it's his dream.
***
Kyle, can you hear me?
Kyle, are you there?
Kyle, why did you drive away?
***
HaHaHa...
Kyle can't answer now.
Why?
Because I've feasted on his heart, his brain.
I've taken his pain away.
***
The end

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Post July 08, 2011, 08:24:21 AM

Re: The Hill with an Evil Heart by C. B. Lovas

Lester Curtis wrote:5) Where did these demons come from? And, more importantly -- WHY?


I don't think that the story really has to explain this. They were there, they were killing everyone off, the ones who escaped never found out how or why... in a novel, there would need to be an explanation, but a short story can just about get away without one.

The other points that you raise, though, are far more important.
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Post July 10, 2011, 02:10:54 AM

Re: The Hill with an Evil Heart by C. B. Lovas

Lester Curtis wrote: 1) Hilltops don't flood. They drain.


Why lester. . .are you saying that the science didn't sound 'right' to you? There's hope for you, yet.

All floods are water in the process of draining to somewhere lower, but in general, you're right. Since we don't really know the lay-out of the cul de sac, it's hard to say that all the rooftops, decks, patios and gently sloping, driveways wouldn't feed into the street and cause a bit of a temporary river while the rain was still pounding.

However, the hill was collapsing into the barren, empty pit at its center. From a geophysical perspective, think sinkhole. Perhaps the street was subsiding and causing a funnel effect. From a symbolic perspective, think of the rotten core to a beautiful, bright shiny apple. All glitz and glitter on the outside, but no solid foundation beneath.

Lester Curtis wrote: 2) Glocks don't have external safeties.


See the 'science' reference, above. You're right about the Glock, but I had to look it up to find that NO Glock model ever had an external safety. See how when the author gets the mechanics 'wrong', it can distract you?

Happens to me all the time. Annoying, ain't it?

Lester Curtis wrote:3) Very -- VERY few vehicles are capable of doing what that Jeep supposedly did. And a Jeep isn't one of them.


Depends on how the trees and debris on the bridge were stacked. If they weren't too high, it's possible.

Lester Curtis wrote:4) The dialog is really poor. Sorry, I had to say it.


Can't say I agree. I thought it was better than average, though I didn't see a lot of difference in the way the three true 'speaking' characters voiced things, the banter and day-to-day stuff had some verisimilitude, for me.

Lester Curtis wrote:5) Where did these demons come from? And, more importantly -- WHY?


These 'demons' may have represented the all-consuming voraciousness of unbridled greed, beneath all the trappings of wealth. Or perhaps they are simply an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There could be more of gravy than of grave about these critters.

Yeah, I just made that last part up. Sorry Charlie.

I wasn't real crazy about the Wooo-Haaaa, gun-totin', Jeep-ridin', everyman character being the hero of this, but there was a certain logic to it. He had the money, but he really didn't fit in very well with the 'neighborhood.'

As the antithesis of the cause of the rotten-hearted hill, it at least worked.

Bill
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post July 11, 2011, 03:36:55 PM

Re: The Hill with an Evil Heart by C. B. Lovas

I’ll just say it – I love this story. This is one of the best examples I’ve seen of a literary technique called Freestyle.

“The rain falls, the generator roars, and nightfall draws closer while the dregs from hell stalk the isolated neighborhood of the wealthy and elite.”
If you’re going to write a horror story, why not just plaster it all over suburbia.

It’s like a 5th grader who gets to school and says, “You’ll never believe what happened at my house last night! There were demons coming out of sinkhole by our house…” Where upon Lester and Bill jump up and say, “Nah, uh!” “Yeah! And they were going house to house chewing off people’s arms…” “Nah uh!”

Which is where I step up in my school girl uniform and say, “Tell me more! Tell me more!” The neatest thing is the easy way the author roams back and forth between wild fantasy and casual urban life:

"No, you don't need to go out there. It's real bad. Besides, I can get it in the Jeep on my own. I will be over in a bit. Just open the garage for me. You need anything else?" he says while finishing his beer.”
Obviously these brothers care about each other and have helped each other a lot in the past. I like it. And then all of a sudden with absolutely no excuses we’re in the middle of a horror story:

Through his speckled doors, he overlooks the creatures from the hellish pit striding from the forest through his neighbor's yard toward their deck. They walk up onto the soaked deck. One of the beasts without a single hesitation raises a gnarled branch and strikes their patio door, shattering it.
A beast raises the blood-encrusted sledgehammer and shatters the door jam and lock. They enter to kill again
. – What’s not to like!

"You are trapped. I am not going in there. They will get both of us," he says and gently slides the cell over to the closet. "Just press send. I am running to my house. I am getting my gun."
William shakes his head, "No. They will get you. Get over here. Hide in here." But Kyle has already turned and sprinted to the far window in the room.”

I like this man of action – why not face all the demons head-on.

It reaches into the zebra bag for its next rock. BANG! The back of its head explodes and a black liquid splatters over the wall behind stone thrower. Its lifeless body collapses to the floor, as Kyle stands atop the staircase with his Glock extended in a shooting range grip, left hand gripping his right wrist. Blue smoke curls from the barrel. BANG! I love it, don’t describe it, just say BANG!

SNAP! CRACK! He staggers back as he watches the house next door collapse into his. The loose siding and beams are caught in the cascading water and sweptNice detail with the beams floating out of the cul-de-sac. There are so many fun creatures running about in this insane little tale. It’s like a summer movie – only you read it. I love it!
Since the house is on fire - at least let us warm ourselves.

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