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Fries With That? by D. Conteur

PostPosted: May 30, 2011, 10:14:20 PM
by Lester Curtis
Well done . . .

Re: Fries With That? by D. Conteur

PostPosted: June 05, 2011, 10:06:01 AM
by Megawatts
The intro worked for it did get my attention. The introduction of a story should grab the reader’s interest.

I thought the dialogue very good! Yes, it’s nice to read good dialogue!

Marge the waitress had some good points and one bad point. She came alive though out the story, but she was a very stereotypical waitress. Too Stereotyped for my taste.

The story unfolded in a timely fashion, and the dinner took on a feeling often seen in the old Twilight Zone. I love to read Sci-Fi played with no special effects. In this case like a group of actors on stage with no props! Nice!

Grammar looked good, word choices good, and sentence lengths with variation good.

Maybe a little more showing would have added some flavor, but that is only an opinion to muse over.

Good story!