Fries With That? by D. Conteur


Tell us what you thought about the May 2011 issue.

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Post May 30, 2011, 10:14:20 PM

Fries With That? by D. Conteur

Well done . . .
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Post June 05, 2011, 10:06:01 AM

Re: Fries With That? by D. Conteur

The intro worked for it did get my attention. The introduction of a story should grab the reader’s interest.

I thought the dialogue very good! Yes, it’s nice to read good dialogue!

Marge the waitress had some good points and one bad point. She came alive though out the story, but she was a very stereotypical waitress. Too Stereotyped for my taste.

The story unfolded in a timely fashion, and the dinner took on a feeling often seen in the old Twilight Zone. I love to read Sci-Fi played with no special effects. In this case like a group of actors on stage with no props! Nice!

Grammar looked good, word choices good, and sentence lengths with variation good.

Maybe a little more showing would have added some flavor, but that is only an opinion to muse over.

Good story!
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Post July 01, 2011, 12:38:25 PM

Re: Fries With That? by D. Conteur

I agree that much of the dialogue was good. It was simple, familiar and easy to read.

Actually, I thought all the characters were a little stock and stereotypical. George and Ethel (the older folks) were the most well-rounded of the lot. There is a lot to be said for this in a short story, though. It saves a lot of time and description, making the story a lot tighter.

Authors always borrow from stereotype when they create ancillary characters, and that's okay. However, many of these folks could have used some individuality.

"Go ahead, Lisa," He scrunched up his nose at the attractive blond.
Lisa took both his hands in hers. "That's all right, Paul, you go first."
"No Sugar-plum, I want you to go first."
"But Snookums, I wanted you to go first."
"No, you go first."
"No, you


Reminded me a little of the opening scene from Pulp Fiction.

The easy banter between Marge, the waitress and the Regulars she always served was a very nice touch.

Some of the other plot choices were odd.

Why would the Gleeb ever fight with regular weapons, and stuff?

Where did the gravity come from?

How can the Military have no idea what their enemy even look like when they're fighting a ground war?

Too many questions can distract the reader.


Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."

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