Fries With That? by D. Conteur


Tell us what you thought about the May 2011 issue.

Moderator: Editors

User avatar

Long Fiction Editor

Posts: 2730

Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM

Location: by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else

Post May 30, 2011, 10:14:20 PM

Fries With That? by D. Conteur

Well done . . .
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

Master Critic

Posts: 911

Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM

Location: Johnstown, Pa.

Post June 05, 2011, 10:06:01 AM

Re: Fries With That? by D. Conteur

The intro worked for it did get my attention. The introduction of a story should grab the reader’s interest.

I thought the dialogue very good! Yes, it’s nice to read good dialogue!

Marge the waitress had some good points and one bad point. She came alive though out the story, but she was a very stereotypical waitress. Too Stereotyped for my taste.

The story unfolded in a timely fashion, and the dinner took on a feeling often seen in the old Twilight Zone. I love to read Sci-Fi played with no special effects. In this case like a group of actors on stage with no props! Nice!

Grammar looked good, word choices good, and sentence lengths with variation good.

Maybe a little more showing would have added some flavor, but that is only an opinion to muse over.

Good story!
Tesla Lives!!!

Return to May 2011

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware.