Post May 01, 2011, 11:36:16 PM

In Their Eyes by Ian Cordingley

Let begin by complimenting you on the great opening description. I also like stories where the world is unfolded as the story moves along, and enough info was given to supply me with a general sense of the setting's background, teasing me with its vagueness to read further. I also enjoyed how much of this info came through dialogue and memories rather then pure infodumping. My complaints however are some of the setting's description confused me as to where they actually were, I might have missed it, but I had a sense they were in a park not a beach. The summery of the story gave me a sense there was a conflict of him accepting his implant and choice of a wife, but this conflict seemed more like he was just a bit apprehensive, but ultimately accepting of it all. Now a story about a snap shot of this coming of age is just fine, I just got the impression there would be more resistance on the protagonist's part. The conclusion also felt a bit awkward, like it needed more, and his realization he had at least one choice in all that was forced on him felt a bit like it came out of no where - the over all theme of it just didn't come off saturated enough throughout the whole of the tale.

Overall I liked it, and it was one of the few stories that really grabbed my attention just from the summery. It wasn't what I expected, but it was still good.
“The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.”
-Mark Twain