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Genesis by Che Frances Monro

PostPosted: April 21, 2011, 02:23:08 AM
by Megawatts
Descriptive writing telling about a fantasy world, and how the invaders of that world were killed by those who owned that world.

The intro worked, it did get my attention. But I would have liked it to be more of a ‘grabbing’ type.

Most of the characters came alive and took on personalities of their own. The dialogue was okay, and word use good. Everything needed for good storytelling was present in this one.

I couldn’t find anything to nit-pick about, and can see that the author is studying the craft.

Keep reading and writing and practicing. You’re on the right track!

Re: Genesis by Che Frances Monro

PostPosted: April 28, 2011, 11:51:38 AM
by vates
Just one question: Why thrintun?

Re: Genesis by Che Frances Monro

PostPosted: April 28, 2011, 12:47:31 PM
by Robert_Moriyama
vates wrote:Just one question: Why thrintun?


Che may have been referring to the ancient (extinct?) race from Larry Niven's Known Space universe:

"The Thrintun (singular Thrint), in Larry Niven's fictional Known Space universe, were a long-extinct species which ruled the galaxy through telepathic mind control. Humans knew them as "Slavers", since "Thrint" is unpronouncable to the human larynx[citation needed]. They debuted in Niven's World of Ptavvs, in 1966." (from the Wikipedia entry for "Thrint")

I don't know whether the Thrintun in this story are meant to be Niven's Thrintun or not... (If not, Che will probably have to change the name to something else if the story is republished; if so, Che may need to get Niven's approval before using the term in any widely-read publication.)

Re: Genesis by Che Frances Monro

PostPosted: April 28, 2011, 03:10:18 PM
by Lester Curtis
That name choice may have been strictly accidental.

I know that I have to be careful in naming my aliens. There is a safe way to do this -- but it makes the names difficult for the reader. A random example would be something like "p'Rlbpx." Yeah, they're alien names, no mistaking it, but as a reader, such things bother me.

I choose names that are a little easier to read and/or pronounce. The problem being that they get too close to existing names or words.

Lately, I Googled one of my choices. I did find a match (in a reference to a RPG, IIRC), but kept the name anyway, seeing as it wasn't common, having only a single reference. Now, I don't know whether that name is copyrighted or not. If I take the story to publication, it could become an issue, but thankfully, the "Search and Replace" function makes the change easy -- even if choosing a replacement isn't.

Re: Genesis by Che Frances Monro

PostPosted: May 10, 2011, 11:44:59 AM
by Iskoday
It was good story, characters came off well, and the writing was pretty good. If there was some sort of theme, I was pretty lost. It seems humanity now serves either an alien race of lords or are they a class of superhumans? Again, overall good, but very bizarre. :lol:

Re: Genesis by Che Frances Monro

PostPosted: August 04, 2011, 07:59:21 AM
by chemonro
Thank you for reading, and... OUCH! I knew that word had a Nivenish feel... I should have checked it. *sighs* Sorry.

The fact is I devoured Niven at a very young and impressionable age and some things just sank deep into my subconcious, so when I was looking for a name for a race of genetic slavers... Thrintun popped out... naturally. I'll have to change that, here and elsewhere. Thanks for pointing it out.