Jack and the Box by L. K. Pinaire


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Post January 06, 2011, 09:39:25 PM

Jack and the Box by L. K. Pinaire

I kind of want to like this; it's sort of a variant on the genie-in-the-lamp theme, and has some interesting twists. But the action and characterization are weird and not very consistent, and the whole thing has a kind of disjointed feel about it.

I don't get the sense of horror from it where I know it should be, and a lot of the small events occur without any explanation.

This story has potential, but needs reworked to be more coherent.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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Post January 09, 2011, 03:20:32 AM

Well I read it... Wasn't quite sure what to make of it. Umm...

A man digs up a box in his garden that gives him unimaginable power... Isn't that a little bit Deus Ex Machina? Why should this man be granted this power? And why should it come with a demon who wants to eat his soul?

I think it's a bit like what Carl Sagan said: "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof." He dug up a magic box. In his back yard? O rly?
che frances monro - http://www.chemonro.com

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