The Weaver of Gossamer Webs By jaimie l. elliott


Tell us what you thought of the July/August issue!

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Post August 05, 2010, 03:52:25 AM

The Weaver of Gossamer Webs By jaimie l. elliott

...this one was a good read. Particularly the last paragraph.
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Post August 06, 2010, 10:07:09 PM

Seems like second-person POV is becoming a little more common, and this story proves its power.

Very well done!
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Post August 10, 2010, 10:10:53 AM

Thanks for the comments.

Here's a case of thinking of the format before the plot. I wondered if I was capable of writing a second-person story. I find it helpful to work outside my comfort zone now and then to push myself as a writer.

One thing I noticed when crafting this little story is that when I attempted to write actual dialogue for the protagonist (i.e., you), it lessened the effect of second-person. Everyone speaks differently, so articulating dialogue that's universal was just about impossible. You, the reader, would be distracted by these odd words coming out of your mouth, breaking the spell of the story.

I also used present tense to immerse the reader even more into the narrative.

One comment for Rob:

My story in the April 2009 issue was Blue Sky, not Artifact. Sorry for not catching that earlier.
"Even the straight arrow needs a crooked bow."
- Samani


jaimie l. elliott

[b:2o4dvkjg]Check out my website:[/b:2o4dvkjg]
http://www.jaimie.org/

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Post August 14, 2010, 02:27:37 PM

body double

very good, very good, short, quick, attention grabbing.

Qin Shi Huangdi ?? or Gengis as the model?

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Post August 29, 2010, 01:39:37 PM

Nice experimental work. Love the 2ed person attempt and liked the story from beginning to end. It held my attention, and that is good story-telling.

Good one :D
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Post August 30, 2010, 12:41:26 PM

How much fun was that last paragraph?! Nice work in writing in the second person. I'll add my voice to the clamor - a very fun piece, well done.
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Post August 30, 2010, 04:05:42 PM

Very well done, Jamie.

I've never tried second person, either. Looks tough.

This story is a real grabber. I read it at work and when my cell phone rang, I just ignored it. I didn't want to tear my eyes from the screen, even to see who it was. Barack will have his secretary call me back, no doubt.

I also loved the visual element where the text diminishes to reflect his fading/regaining consciousness. I've seen folks try that kind of thing before, but this is the first time I've ever seen it work. It added a depth to the reading experience that I won't soon forget.

Not one quib, just bowing in acknowledgement of your superior craftsmanship and talent.

(Maybe just a tad of envy, to add some spice. . .)

Bill Wolfe
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Post August 31, 2010, 01:12:57 PM

You're way too nice, Bill. I'm glad you liked the experiment. Thanks!
"Even the straight arrow needs a crooked bow."
- Samani


jaimie l. elliott

[b:2o4dvkjg]Check out my website:[/b:2o4dvkjg]
http://www.jaimie.org/

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