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Two Stone Trolls and a Prince

PostPosted: June 12, 2010, 01:22:39 PM
by Tumnus
I'm still waiting for comments, too. Did anybody read it? Thanks.

PostPosted: June 14, 2010, 12:00:13 AM
by Lester Curtis
Sorry, but I didn't think much of it. It seemed vaguely monotonous to me, mostly in the pacing and overall rhythm of the story. Maybe too many words in it, too. Try reading it out loud to yourself.

PostPosted: June 20, 2010, 04:25:13 PM
by McCamy_Taylor
I think it is written in a southern dialect. I am from Georgia, so the "wordiness" sounds natural to me.

This raises a point. Except for a few people who are brought up speaking the "King's English", most of us should not write the way we talk, unless we are doing regional fiction. When I edit, I end up crossing out lots of redundant words that would sound just fine (get it? just fine!) if spoken aloud but which annoy the eye.

I am now going to edit the above into "King's English":

"The dialect is Southern. Since I was born in Georgia, the "wordiness" seems natural. However, the last poster has a point. While regional fiction calls for a strong narrative voice, a regional dialect can be distracting when used in other forms of fiction. When I edit my own writing, I often find redundant words which sound natural if spoken. "

I suspect that the story would sound natural if read aloud by the author in his own voice. While the reading aloud test is a good one, it is not the final one.