FORGOTTON


Tell us what you thought of the December issue!

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Post December 23, 2009, 11:22:52 AM

FORGOTTON

WHO are you?

WE've all been there.
A total waste of energy.
A good source for poem pain.
Get over it!

RT
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Post December 23, 2009, 02:53:17 PM

clarification, just in case

I hope you realize this was a poem in response.

RT
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Post December 28, 2009, 03:35:47 PM

Forgotten

Dear author:
What are you thinking man?
This poem, Forgotten, is totally forgettable.
Move on, grow up,
and write better poetry. The end.
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Post January 16, 2010, 09:36:37 AM

Re: Forgotten


These are some of the more negative comments I've ever read on this site.

Just curious, but if Mr. Bruno would have named it something like:

Lesson Learned

Would that have made it a better poem?

I got the pathos of this by the second line. The subject of the poem was feeling sorrow, regret and. . .well. . .pathetic.

The poem conveyed these things with a simplicity and directness that touched me. The imagery of another person's photograph in a frame that once held your own (implied, but not stated) seems a useful tool for the portrayal of the feelings behind the words.

Hey, at least I understood this piece. Can't say that for other works that seem to get a lot more positive feedback.

This poem is a slice of real life, IMHO. Life isn't usually a big, sweeping, grandiose cavalcade of complex emotions and turmoil. Most often it's actions and reactions, regrets and upon occasion, a little joy.

Maybe I really don't understand poetry.

Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post January 16, 2010, 12:21:48 PM

Wow. I think I'm with Bill on this. If this poet had an ego before, it's bound to be dead on the floor now.

I couldn't see any Specfic element, so I didn't understand why it was here on Aphelion. Is it remarkable? Well, no, not that I could see, but I didn't think it deserved such abuse. At the least, I could identify with his loss.

Perhaps it's the show of critique power of poet vs. poet that's dropped my jaw. I've written a few pieces of poetry, but have never considered myself a poet. I don't often comment on them for that reason.

Maybe this is the kind of comment a poet needs, but it doesn't sound like very constructive criticism from a layman's POV. I've skewered many a soul on their fiction, but I think only once could I not find something good to point out in the critique.

Food for thought.
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Post January 16, 2010, 01:40:17 PM

I'm not much on poetry, but the subject of this one might do well with either Dear Abby, Dr. Phil or Pat Robertson. If all else fails, a handful of some potent sleeping pills should end the misery.


gino.
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Post January 16, 2010, 08:54:40 PM

Good day

I don't often wade into these debates, as I may be seen as biased. Nate, you are correct: there is little or no genre-specific element to this piece. The only reason I included it was that I thought it did its job: to create an emotional response in the reader by striking a chord within them. As Bill put it, this is a 'slice of life' to which most of us can relate. Yes, it is pathetic, yes, the protagonist does need to get over it and move on, but is that not the whole point? Is that not how most people react to being discarded? Heck, people, check this out if you want to talk about melodramatic! http://www.aphelion-webzine.com/poetry/heartbreak.htm
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Post January 17, 2010, 08:47:27 AM

If we've all been there, shouldn't we all be able to empathise?

I sure know I can.

(I'm off to go and grow up.)
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Post January 17, 2010, 10:25:33 AM

response to poem

Bob Gaudio stated it in his song Walk Like A Man. 'nough said.

Exit 9

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Post January 19, 2010, 02:13:25 PM

Re: response to poem

rick tornello wrote:Get over it!


bottomdweller wrote:Move on, grow up,
and write better poetry.


gino_ss wrote:. . . .the subject of this one might do well with either Dear Abby, Dr. Phil or Pat Robertson. If all else fails, a handful of some potent sleeping pills should end the misery.


rick tornello wrote:. . .Walk Like A Man.
'nough said.


Wormtongue rules, on this one.

Maybe we're being too harsh on the critics (if that even makes sense).

They read the poem, they articulated their emotional response.

And they treated the Subject of the poem as if he were a real person who had dumped his pathetic little musings on them.

Perhaps these aren't as critical as they seem. Perhaps each of these folks was saying: "Good job, Mr. Bruno, you wrote a poem that made me want to smack this guy upside his pathetic little head and tell him to quit the freakin' whining."

Subtle praise, folks. Subtle praise, indeed.

Got to 'ya, didn't it? Well, that's one of the things poetry is supposed to do.

Bill Wolfe.
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post January 19, 2010, 04:10:15 PM

reply

I sent one earlier but it didn't take?

Your last set of comments,
The answer is YEP and you're the one who said you don't always get it. Come on now, you're more sensitive then you let on.

RT
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Post January 21, 2010, 01:45:00 PM

Forgotten

Okay. I read it again. And still didn't like it. So I decided to add some of my own drivel to the mix.

“I love you”, he said, with some woman’s hickies on his neck
As he drug his boots from behind the couch – one more time,
And threw his work uniform into a plastic bag – one more time,
And grabbed his CDs from off my bookcase.
He then rushed out the door,
Down the stairs,
And into the beautiful sunshine of a bright, Saturday afternoon.
And all I could do was stand in the kitchen repeating,
“But I bought groceries for us. But I bought groceries for us.”

I think this could be part of a 'drivel' challenge for an upcoming month in the Fun & Games section. Drag that drivel out of the closet - you know you have drivel hidden in there!
Maybe it's like the Blues - it can be fun when you're feeling down.
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Post January 22, 2010, 02:29:35 PM

I think I may have written something similar to this myself once -- but I didn't show it to anyone, nor would I (if I actually had written it). I found out long ago that, no matter who I invited to my pity-parties, no one showed up. Misery may love company, but the company doesn't return that love (as above posters have proven, with extreme prejudice).

Other than that, where's the science-fiction/fantasy/horror content that would make this poem relevant to this site?
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Post January 24, 2010, 04:51:59 PM

Lester Curtis wrote:Other than that, where's the science-fiction/fantasy/horror content that would make this poem relevant to this site?




Does it really have to have these things to be published on Aphelion? I have written exactly one poem. One.

It was a conversation between the mind and the body. I've never even been tempted to write another.

It was called Meat Machine ( http://www.aphelion-webzine.com/poetry/ ... achine.htm ).

It was accepted, it was very well received, and it had none of the elements you are asking about.

But it meant a lot to me.


I don't see any kind of fantasy, science fiction or horror element in it. Nor do I in much of the fare that is published here.

So what?


Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post January 25, 2010, 05:00:40 AM

Nobody's complained before :) And I do turn down quite a bit of stuff because I cannot stretch my definitions far enough to include it...
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Post January 25, 2010, 09:31:01 AM

turn downs

re turn downs, yep just ask me. I've had to whimper in the corner a number of times.


RT
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Post January 25, 2010, 10:37:22 AM

Does it really have to have these things to be published on Aphelion?
Well, I thought so . . . and once more, I pay the price for having expectations. :?

I wasn't complaining, by the way, just stating that my expectations of this site had been confounded. We may all henceforth disregard them and continue to enjoy the 'zine.

Nice poem, Bill; I really liked the last line.
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Post January 25, 2010, 02:19:06 PM

Meat machine

I like the LAST last line:
Dying is easy, comedy is difficult, and trying to write Poetry makes the 1st easier to swallow.
Funny.
Really, anyone can write poetry - just writing GOOD poetry is difficult for we mere mortals.
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Post January 25, 2010, 04:11:45 PM

Really, anyone can write poetry - just writing GOOD poetry is difficult for we mere mortals.
Man, is it ever! I've gotten myself enmired in a sci-fi poem . . . it's been in the works for a year now (mostly neglected during that time). Trying to get it done -- in a way I can be satisfied with -- is like carving stone with a wooden chisel.

I don't know who said it, but "There are no finished poems -- only abandoned ones."

I have the experience to understand that.
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Post January 26, 2010, 10:11:05 AM

Oh, and just by the way, I DID have a reason for my expectations as to the sci-fi, etc. content here . . .

Submission Guidelines
Aphelion Webzine is a fanzine which publishes original science-fiction, fantasy, and horror fiction, poetry, and features.


I'm sure I'm not the only person who would interpret that as "original fiction, poetry, and features in the science-fiction, fantasy, and horror genres".
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Post January 26, 2010, 11:30:53 AM

Depends on what your definition of "is" is

Arguably, you could parse that so that "science-fiction, fantasy, and horror" refers to "fiction" only, and "poetry, and features" are less restricted in terms of genre.

("Never mind what I said. You know very well what I meant."

Anybody remember where that line (or words to that effect) came from?)

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Post January 26, 2010, 02:22:39 PM

lines remembered

RM Said:

("Never mind what I said. You know very well what I meant."

Anybody remember where that line (or words to that effect) came from?)



one's mother?




RT
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Post January 26, 2010, 02:50:38 PM

Post subject: Depends on what your definition of "is" is


Thanks for the belly-laugh!
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Post January 31, 2010, 07:28:09 PM

Lester Curtis wrote: I've gotten myself enmired in a sci-fi poem . . . it's been in the works for a year now (mostly neglected during that time). Trying to get it done -- in a way I can be satisfied with -- is like carving stone with a wooden chisel.

Flick it through - I promise to try and be constructive in my criticisms :)
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Post February 01, 2010, 04:37:58 PM

Wormtongue wrote:Flick it through - I promise to try and be constructive in my criticisms :)


Lester,

If I parse the meaning of this, correctly, I think One of the Holiest of Holies. . . an EDITOR, has condescended to make an exception for an individual penitent.

DO NOT WASTE THIS MOMENT. It will not come again.

Send in the poem, listen to what your PE (Poetry Editor) says about it.

Make an effort to do what he says. . .

And he will publish it!

And I will read it, as one amongst. . .well. . .not many, perhaps. . .but at least amongst several.

Is that sufficient?

When it comes in, I will comment upon it as I rarely do for poetry.

Not because I do not read it, but because I do not always understand poetry.

Don't take this lightly. I can critique such diverse subjects as the proper gutting of a deer to the construction of a workable nuclear weapon with equal aplomb, but I cower at the prospect of critiquing where a poem 'works', or does not.

As Dirty Harry, in so perfect an oratorio: ". . . .Man's got 'ta know his limitations. . ."

Maybe I don't. And maybe that's still a good thing. But I know this one. Let me READ the poem and then let me tell YOU that it isn't up to snuff. Don't tell me in advance that it isn’t any good and expect me to buy into whatever it is you are selling.

So once again, our very own Wormtongue. . .rules.

Send it in, and let the readers decide if it's any good. I will comment because I have promised to do so.

And I have to tell you. . .once I do, others will, as well. If only to tell me what a twit I am (as if I didn't already know. . .).

Either way, you'll get comments. Look how many the Poem: FORGOTTEN has received. And it looks like most folks didn't even like this one.

I try not to abuse this power.


Bill Wolfe
"I am Susan Ivanova. . . .I am the Right Hand of Vengence. . .I am Death Incarnate, and the last living thing that you are ever going to see. God sent me."
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Post February 01, 2010, 05:21:48 PM

It's already in Iain's inbox, along with particulars -- but it's still not finished. I welcome your comments, though, and I'm grateful for your assistance.

Thank you.

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