Once Upon Some Time by Richard Tornello


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Post July 16, 2009, 01:36:07 PM

Once Upon Some Time by Richard Tornello

Well, first I must say, this is a twist to the creation story unlike I have ever read or heard before. Let me see if I understand this well enough to give a synopsis.

God, the Creator of this universe and all that we know and hold dear is the half-witted brother of a greater, smarter God who runs the lesser God down at every opportunity. The half-witted God created idot creations...that would be us (humans) and was left to clean up the mess he had made, creating us entirely out of boredom!

Then Richard retells the Garden of Eden story which should be underscored with the song Indagadavida by Iron Butterfly, giving us a stark view of chaos from word go. The women that the lesser God created were hot, the men stupid with a temptation around every tree.

Not to give too much away, those who are devout in their faith, must read this story with the understanding that the author was cutting loose with his creativity, rightly so and likely not considering whether he was offending believers of any faith.

Highly creative interpretation of the early part of the book of Genesis that almost reads like scripture (with an attitude!)

Mark
Last edited by Mark Edgemon on July 16, 2009, 03:41:38 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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Post July 16, 2009, 02:01:13 PM

in the beginning,

This story is part of a series. ARE WE THERE YET published a few months ago, is another one. I also included some poems in the series,DEAD HEADING, published some time ago and GOD DOESN'T PLAY DICE are two of them.

BTW for those that didn't know indagadadavida was supposed to be In The Garden Of Eden. The group was so stoned and or drunk and that's what came out.

Truth is stranger than fiction, you never know.
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Post July 17, 2009, 06:56:51 AM

addendum to last comment

For the record, it wasn't my intent to start a series in this vein. I noticed the common links in the themes after completion. The trouble is, for me any way, many times when I deliberately work something, say as in a series, the product is not as good as the spontaneous. That's not to say premeditated work is not good. This idea of theme especially this theme is all by accident and in hindsight, joined.

Otherwise, some of it gives me a good laugh when I reread it. When more is ready to be brought forth, I will submit it for consideration. In the mean time I have to read Leviticus and The Bill of Rights a bit closer along with the commentary.
Hey, I have Genesis, and Exodus, Why not?

RT

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Post July 17, 2009, 12:35:30 PM

Once Upon Some Time

Living here, in the best of all possible universes, I have a few grammer corrections for your review. Paragraph 6 from the beginning - "I the short run.." should be "In the short run..."
9 paragraphs from the beginning (Of this piece, not the beginning of all life) How about this: "I should just end it and be done. No good can come of this."
17 paragraphs from the beginning: "..in a grove of trees surrounded by..."
In the section that starts "Not-was let his consciousness sweep...":
5 paragraphs down "I will just take a walk around the garden area."
20 paragraphs down in that same section:
"Yeah, I know, she is bossy. She still thinks..."
And, of course the thing that makes me nuts, on page 11 of 14 the font changes into intallics all the way to the end of the piece.
Also, putting a question mark after THE END is kinda hokey.
I can tell you, however, as an atheist, I enjoy this kind of humor. Thanks
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Post July 17, 2009, 12:53:42 PM

reply spelllling....

Got it. I always welcome those type of comments. It reinforces my spelling and lack of grammar reality.

So glad you enjoyed it.

RT
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Post July 17, 2009, 01:23:41 PM

Re: Once Upon Some Time

bottomdweller wrote:Living here, in the best of all possible universes, I have a few grammer corrections for your review. Paragraph 6 from the beginning - "I the short run.." should be "In the short run..."
9 paragraphs from the beginning (Of this piece, not the beginning of all life) How about this: "I should just end it and be done. No good can come of this."
17 paragraphs from the beginning: "..in a grove of trees surrounded by..."
In the section that starts "Not-was let his consciousness sweep...":
5 paragraphs down "I will just take a walk around the garden area."
20 paragraphs down in that same section:
"Yeah, I know, she is bossy. She still thinks..."
And, of course the thing that makes me nuts, on page 11 of 14 the font changes into intallics all the way to the end of the piece...
Thanks


Dammit, I thought I caught the typos (some of which are likely due to my editing anyway). The problem with the italics is definitely my fault -- missed a close-italics tag (again). Fixes will be made sometime tonight.

RM
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Post July 17, 2009, 02:16:06 PM

This seems more in the spirit of Richard's self-professed writing philosophy. I see the unbridled creativity at work, the comfortable riffing. It seems clear he had fun with this.

One quibble: I think Not-really-is's dullness could be better realized. We're told he is a halfwit, but I think it needs to be shown more clearly.
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Post July 17, 2009, 02:56:33 PM

Wits

He is a 1/2 wit in comparison to #1. I could have played that up though.

If you read ARE WE THERE YET? The links and continuity may show???

RT
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Post July 17, 2009, 11:10:33 PM

Fixes applied

The italics problem and grammar (not grammer, unless Frasier Crane is involved) slips have been fixed.

RM
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Post July 18, 2009, 06:35:39 PM

Dear God and all that

I have a soft spot for Christian spoofs.

Turns out I *have* seen something like this before. Richard invokes the great Ellison, so I have to hope he's read Deathbird Stories, which is an entire collection on exactly this theme, that of "gods who no longer deserve the capital letter".
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Post July 18, 2009, 07:32:39 PM

readings Deathbird

I can't say that I have. I'll have to get them as soon as I get finished with Paula Frederiksen's, Augustine and the Jews:A Christian Defense of Jews and Judasim.

Some lighter reading.

T
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Post July 20, 2009, 12:32:14 PM

Once upon a sometime

Just a thought: Maybe you could use the Jewish name for god "I AM" to some comical advantage.
"Who is responsible for this mess - half-wit raised his hand "I Am". I can say stuff like that - I'm an atheist.
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Post July 20, 2009, 12:53:52 PM

Re: Once upon a sometime

bottomdweller wrote:Just a thought: Maybe you could use the Jewish name for god "I AM" to some comical advantage.
"Who is responsible for this mess - half-wit raised his hand "I Am". I can say stuff like that - I'm an atheist.


Well, them there Born Again folks'll tell y'all that if you think y'all are dwelling at the bottom NOW, y'all will be gettin' a real roasty-toasty surprise when the Good Lord punches your ticket to your Final Destination(TM, Registered Trademark, etc.)...

Anybody remember that TV series "Joan of Arcadia"? The theme song was "What if God was one of us?" by Joan Osborne. The chorus was

What if God was one of us? Just a slob like one of us?
Just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home...

That's what came to mind when I read this story.

RM
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Post July 20, 2009, 02:24:08 PM

I am who am

I did use "I am" in ARE WE THERE YET.

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Post July 21, 2009, 07:40:52 PM

This world, with all its annoying imperferctions, could only have ben created by the inept, bumbling god of this story. My concern is, what if the older, smarter brother decides to take over, trashes this world and creates a new perfect one. We would all die of boredom.

gino
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Post July 21, 2009, 09:38:52 PM

reply

I'm not sure but I think Mark Twain addressed that issue as did Billy Joel in, The Good Die Young.


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Post July 22, 2009, 06:52:30 AM

Boredom FTW!

gino_ss wrote:This world, with all its annoying imperferctions, could only have ben created by the inept, bumbling god of this story. My concern is, what if the older, smarter brother decides to take over, trashes this world and creates a new perfect one. We would all die of boredom.

gino


I am holding a session next month to study the arrangement of dirt on yellow caution signs and why they always collect more than stop signs. Maybe it's the different paint grade. You're welcome to sign up.
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Post July 22, 2009, 08:00:57 AM

color perception

Funny,

Darker colors hide dirt and absorb light. Red is darker than yellow. I did that study a few years ago.

I wouldn't mind teaching the class for a decent stipend and travel expenses.


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Post July 23, 2009, 11:16:11 AM

Reminds me of a true case of government pork from a couple of years back. Over a million dollars was allocated to study the effects of bovine flatulence on global warming. I'd assist them in their research for, say, a stipend of twenty grand, plus travel, lodging and per diem.

gino
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Post August 03, 2009, 04:22:52 PM

reply to Marks opening ststement

Mark,
I have been reading Augustine and the Jews, A Christian Defense of Jews and Judaism, By Paula Fredriksen. If you happen to read chapter three you will find a more academic more erudite essay that sounds "somewhat" like my story. This was a surprise to me as I read it.

Maybe we both need an intensive class in biblical political history?

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Post August 03, 2009, 06:29:50 PM

Time after time

rick tornello wrote: Maybe we both need an intensive class in biblical political history?


Biblical history tends to repeat itself and so in time, we will likely relive it!

Mark
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Post August 03, 2009, 06:54:38 PM

history burps

At least my story no one gets cashiered in real life for interpretation and justification for the forcing of a "proper way of thought".

We do see that out there throughout recorded time.


RT

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