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In Any Language

PostPosted: April 07, 2009, 04:30:35 PM
by bottomdweller
This was a fun read. It reminded me of a Vintage Twilight Zone episode...with cowboys and Star Trek's Dr. McCoy.

Beyond that, I wanted to compliment the author on her description of the deep woods.
"When he stepped into the forest, he was instantly swallowed by foliage. The denseness of the trees and shrubs emphasized the nightfall, creating a surreal, twilight effect. With the darkness came a noticeable decrease in temperature."
This kind of detail about the woods goes on for several paragraphs. It allows the reader to say, "I've been in a woods like that" or "I'd like to visit a forest like that."
"The ground was cool and moist, and the overgrown grass was slippery."
Very nicely done - and the plot was interesting as well. I liked the ending - did not see it coming until near the end of the story.

PostPosted: April 12, 2009, 10:20:59 AM
by Megawatts
One mistake I found. Gettysburg and the surrounding country-side was Union territory and not Rebel during the civil war.

I like Jeani’s stories very much and look forward to reading them.

Her writing is clear, easy to follow, detailed and fluid. And her dialogue is very good following real-time speaking by using good technique. There is always great word choices, and in many of her stories new word usages, new choices of words in description, and new and interesting usages of descriptive adjectives. Nice.

The balances in this story between dialogue and narration are very well thought out, and it works!!

The story is eerie and very entertaining. It reminded me a little of Slaughter House Five but it was not a copy of it.

A good one, and one that should be studied a little for it fine Story telling!

Loved it!

In Any Language

PostPosted: April 13, 2009, 10:49:14 AM
by bottomdweller
Okay, looks like I was wrong (1st time ever) about the DeForest Kelly thing. He was in 'Gunfight at the OK Coral' in 1957, but that was a movie - not the Twilight Zone. In the Twilight Zone episode I was talking about, however, a group of cowboys were playing poker, and they kept watching the clock on the wall. When it hit noon, they all went outside where they were gunned down in the street. A minute later, they were all back playing cards and the clock on the wall said 11:45.

PostPosted: May 22, 2009, 12:18:04 PM
by vates
trakteer, oborotyn - these seem russian. Just wondering why that has been used for a Prussia of eighteen sixty something.

Re: In Any Language

PostPosted: May 22, 2009, 06:10:24 PM
by unforgibbon
bottomdweller wrote:Okay, looks like I was wrong (1st time ever) about the DeForest Kelly thing. He was in 'Gunfight at the OK Coral' in 1957, but that was a movie - not the Twilight Zone. In the Twilight Zone episode I was talking about, however, a group of cowboys were playing poker, and they kept watching the clock on the wall. When it hit noon, they all went outside where they were gunned down in the street. A minute later, they were all back playing cards and the clock on the wall said 11:45.


I believe you're referring to this Star Trek episode: Spectre of the Gun (Episode 56, Season 3).