The Assassination by Casey Callaghan


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Post November 30, 2008, 10:30:25 PM

The Assassination by Casey Callaghan

the peculiar case of a short that was too short for its own good. the basics are all here, the characters are interesting - both brothers are well defined and should be used in future stories - and the crime an easily recounted one. However, it's too short! This leads to an ending that's abrupt and really not necessary. We didn't need to know everything turned out alright in one sentence.

Otherwise, the writing is very smooth and the realization of situations right on the money. I started out loving it, but by the end was a bit disappointed.
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Post December 04, 2008, 01:57:40 PM

Assassination

Neoadorable (Master Critic) was right on the button with this one. A good story takes as much time as it takes. It's like childbirth, you can't rush it. "A long story short" only works with friends sitting around in a bar.

As far as all but the last three paragraphs: good time, nice mixture of narrative and dialog. Everything anymore happens on camera, so that makes sense too. I'd like to see this story with a better ending.

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Post December 04, 2008, 09:13:58 PM

good point - let's see a re-write of this, i'd say at least twice as long!

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Post December 05, 2008, 04:20:38 AM

I see what you mean; there was a bit of a rush in the ending.

The reason for that is that the plot revolved largely around the mystery. Once Prof. Schoeman had finished taking apart the mystery and explaining what was going on - well, what's left of the story?

Or, in other words, while I recognise that the ending might have been a bit rushed, what could I have done to make it non-rushed?

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Post December 10, 2008, 10:59:07 PM

Casey - nothing special, just write it out. don't feel compelled to cut stuff out. for example, a lengthier investigation, or maybe additional characters added to the fray...something like that. yeah it'd end up being a different story almost, but the essentials would still be there.

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