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Terminal by Holly Day

PostPosted: November 10, 2008, 11:52:39 PM
by RHFay
I like how this poem effectively gives the reader a sense of separation and searching for a connection , but the structure is a bit disconcerting. Perhaps it was deliberate (trying to cause a disconnect?), but I find it distracting. Then again, my taste tends towards the traditional.

For some reason, I found the marble imagery to be really cool. Then again, I always thought marbles were neat.

Terminal by Holly Day

PostPosted: November 14, 2008, 08:24:07 PM
by Megawatts
I never read poetry but I intend to start. Of course I alway promised myself that I would read Sword and Socery but to date never have!!

I enjoyed read this poem. It certainly was different from other poems that
I read, but then again I've read very few poems.

One good thing about a poem this size is that you can re-read it many times in a short period, unlike a story.

I like the rhythm, like the symbolism, but am somewhat confused by the meaning.

Serendipity comes to mind but only after trying to figure-out the gene pool reference!

Two marbles rolling around in a bag might bump into each other again!

Two people in a big city might bump into each other again, and realize that they are different.

I don't know, but I did like it!!!

:D

PostPosted: November 26, 2008, 04:53:38 PM
by stu
I'm inclined to agree with the difficulties of the form. Even reading this aloud, the breaths seemed to fall in slightly the wrong places. Maybe it is, as Richard suggested, deliberate, but it's one of those things that has to not just be deliberate, but appear it as well, to work to best effect.

PostPosted: December 01, 2008, 05:42:18 PM
by RHFay
A lot of modern poetry seems to me to have the breaths and/or the line stops, in the wrong spots. It goes against my personal poetic instincts, so it seems wrong to me, but it might not be techincally wrong.