Aphelion

I liked the part on the spaceship; good imagery, good descriptive writing, engaging plot.

And I also liked the "psych ward" segment, the man who occasionally and unpredictably teleports and drives the doctors crazy as a result.

However, the two halve of the story almost seem like two separate stories, both happening to the same protagonist, both completely unrelated. For example, when he's trapped outside the airlock, he completely fails to consider the possibility that he might be able to escape death by whatever transposition occasionally strikes him (if it's not all just his imagination).

I imagine that, in the long term, the plan is to place Roy in a series of different situations, teleporting there from the psych ward in a series of sequels. I look forward to the possibility.

Yep, you nailed it. Thanks for the crit.

LJG

A good story line, and one that should be developed more.

The writing became choppy, and at times it didn’t hold my interest. Others probably don’t agree. I don’t like author Nelson Algren for the same reasons, yet he was a very successful writer following Theodore Dreiser’s thoughts on society. I love Dreiser, but can’t read Algren.
To me a little choppy and hard to follow.

But over-all the story showed a writer with talent and imagination.

Good attempt a story-telling.


Megawatts

While I enjoyed this story, I also expected him to go back to the hospital or something - the first and second half were completely detached.
Even so, it was very good - enjoyed the suspenseful ending

I think he needed to be back in the psych ward at the end, just to make it clear. Without that it seemed like two completely unrelated stories.

I also like the doctor is just a bit too insistent about Roy without looking at the possibility that something untoward is happening.

I really did enjoy the scene on the station, although I am not sure forgiving that moron for getting everyone close to killed would be in my nature.

FBG