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December January Challenge - The Results

PostPosted: February 04, 2019, 12:29:11 AM
by Wormtongue
A funny thing happened on the way to a tropical island: I forgot to finalise the Flash Challenge
So: the winner is (drumroll, please, maestro...)

Michelle Dutcher with "Why Tookay?"

Jointly second, with one vote each, were
    "A world from a window..." by Sergio ‘ente per ente’ PALUMBO
    "The Gift" by Jontrue (have you stopped beating your children yet, Michelle?)
    "Family Obligation" by Lester Curtis

And last but not least was Robin Lipinski's split world tale "Handle".

Re: December January Challenge - The Results

PostPosted: February 04, 2019, 01:08:05 AM
by Lester Curtis
Congrats, Michele! Great job; you well and truly clobbered us all.

Here are the notes I made on these entries, oh, so long ago ...


I've never seen anything like this done before, but it's strangely effective in conveying the notion of parallel worlds.

A World from a Window

A great deal of nicely done descriptive prose here, but the story was dissatisfying because, not only was everyone doomed, but worse, no one was even trying any more. That gives the reader no one to care about.

I think there's more potential in a scenario like this. Okay, so the planet is well and truly screwed, how about some excitement giving some individuals an easier end than gasping dust? Say the government makes some suicide pills and sets up something like gladiator fights; winner gets a pill. Then make it personal: names of fighters are drawn randomly by machine--and the main character winds up fighting his girlfriend. And both of them signed up with the intention that if they won, they'd give the pill to the other ... and they've both kept it a secret from each other until they meet in the arena. Now what?

Why TooKay?

I especially liked the detail of using currency for insulation, though I doubt the economy would collapse that quickly. And it's really a stretch that you could stuff a coat with enough twenties and fifties to keep two people happy for two years.

Also, I have to ask why the double feels compelled to chuck his other half back through the hole. It just doesn't seem necessary.

The Gift

Nice touch, their world's people coming to ours, and I like the choice of a transistor as a pivotal technological advancement.

Family Obligation (mine)

Mostly wished I'd had a lot more room for a lot more backstory on Leeta's family, and a little more for his own, too. Wanted room for more discussion with the doctor ... worried that readers wouldn't be able to make sense of it. I wanted more emotion in it.

This is what I get for procrastinating. If I'd finished a few days before deadline, I'd have been able to get closer to what I wanted.

Re: December January Challenge - The Results

PostPosted: February 04, 2019, 02:28:20 AM
by Lester Curtis
Oh, and by the way--I voted for Michele's story.

Re: December January Challenge - The Results

PostPosted: February 04, 2019, 05:01:08 AM
by ente per ente
Oh, and by the way--I voted for Michele's story.

I did so,,eh :D :D

Congratulations to the winner, and to all the entrants for their very good stories, indeed!!! :D

Re: December January Challenge - The Results

PostPosted: February 04, 2019, 04:45:44 PM
by bottomdweller
Thank you very much for voting for my story. The reason I chose Y2K is because it has always seemed to me that there was all this hubbub about Y2K and the world's technology was going to crash on January 1st 2000 - and then nothing happened. It doesn't make sense. I've always thought there are times throughout history where things might have diverged into different timelines - and that was one of them.
I liked Sergio's World From a Window very much. I didn't think it needed a hopeful ending, or a more elaborate ending - I think it's very Old World to realize that oftentimes people are in hopeless situations with nothing to be done.
I liked The Gift by Jon True, and thought it could be easily expanded. I wondered about the date, not realizing it was Roswell's landing - 1940s seemed vague. Also, I read one woman complain about the notion that saying microwave ovens were alien technology dishonored all those who worked so hard to develop the technology. Transistors from space might be the same way. 'Roswell' is now a series on channel 58, three episodes in when I am writing this, so it's always a goldmine for scifi writers.
Handle by Robin Lipinski - I liked the basic idea and think it would have been successful as a movie short - but it was difficult to read as a print story, almost painful.
Family Obligations by Lester Curtis was closer than the rest to the parallel worldlines theme - spot on to what the contest restraints were. I think I voted for this one - but it has been a while, so I can't guarantee that.
Anyways, thanks for voting for me, all those who voted for me. If you hold the voting chart sideways, it looks as if my story is giving the other stories 'the finger' - but I one of my stories would never bee that rude, I can assure you. Ha Ha LOL