December January Challenge - The Results


Writing challenges, flash fiction, interesting anecdotes, amusements, and general miscellanea.

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Post February 04, 2019, 01:08:05 AM

Re: December January Challenge - The Results

Congrats, Michele! Great job; you well and truly clobbered us all.

Here are the notes I made on these entries, oh, so long ago ...

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Handle

I've never seen anything like this done before, but it's strangely effective in conveying the notion of parallel worlds.


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A World from a Window

A great deal of nicely done descriptive prose here, but the story was dissatisfying because, not only was everyone doomed, but worse, no one was even trying any more. That gives the reader no one to care about.

I think there's more potential in a scenario like this. Okay, so the planet is well and truly screwed, how about some excitement giving some individuals an easier end than gasping dust? Say the government makes some suicide pills and sets up something like gladiator fights; winner gets a pill. Then make it personal: names of fighters are drawn randomly by machine--and the main character winds up fighting his girlfriend. And both of them signed up with the intention that if they won, they'd give the pill to the other ... and they've both kept it a secret from each other until they meet in the arena. Now what?

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Why TooKay?

I especially liked the detail of using currency for insulation, though I doubt the economy would collapse that quickly. And it's really a stretch that you could stuff a coat with enough twenties and fifties to keep two people happy for two years.

Also, I have to ask why the double feels compelled to chuck his other half back through the hole. It just doesn't seem necessary.

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The Gift

Nice touch, their world's people coming to ours, and I like the choice of a transistor as a pivotal technological advancement.

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Family Obligation (mine)

Mostly wished I'd had a lot more room for a lot more backstory on Leeta's family, and a little more for his own, too. Wanted room for more discussion with the doctor ... worried that readers wouldn't be able to make sense of it. I wanted more emotion in it.

This is what I get for procrastinating. If I'd finished a few days before deadline, I'd have been able to get closer to what I wanted.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
User avatar

Long Fiction Editor

Posts: 2730

Joined: January 11, 2010, 12:03:56 AM

Location: by the time you read this, I'll be somewhere else

Post February 04, 2019, 02:28:20 AM

Re: December January Challenge - The Results

Oh, and by the way--I voted for Michele's story.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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