Inside Out by E.S Strout


Tell us what you thought of the December 2007 issue.

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Post December 15, 2007, 01:05:14 AM

Inside Out by E.S Strout

this story was very smooth and well written but i couldn't handle the constant information-divulging, for example the conversation between the General and Judith was simply too much on that front.

liked how Danae's gradual awakening was rendered, with it constantly calling the pilot by different names. and the final line was pretty strong. there were also a few apt names, like GRISSOM.

however, i really wish you would have done with less science. the ATP explanation was just too in your face, you know what i mean?

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Post December 30, 2007, 01:22:21 PM

Re: Inside Out by E.S Strout

Too much science which distracted from the story. And too much Star Trek.

The writing I thought was good, but the impact of mega-science terms used much too often didn't fit well with me, but then again the more I think about the story, the more I can see that at one time in my life I would have really enjoyed this one!!

When I was younger---in my teens and pre-teens---science terms, science fiction and distance travels to other stars were all I needed in a story. Yes, a hyper-drive space-ship----one that could beat the Soviets----reaching for the stars and overcoming break-downs and warped space and maybe an alien ship stocking them, would have had me up all night reading. This story reminded me of that time in my life.

In fact, later on when I got drafted and sent to Viet-Nam, I can remember talking with another guy one night who also liked Star Trek.  We laughed when he said to me, "Man, I bet the NVA would shit if they ran into American Klingon Green Berets!!

I guess as we get older psychological based stories become more fulfilling to us, but I can still remember when a new Death Ray or Alien Space Ship or an invasion from Mars would have been all I needed in a story.



The author of this story draws from his interests and likes and is building on them using good writing.  He is in the process of introducing all the needed elements of story telling, and I ‘m sure he will have them balanced out soon.

Use technical terms only when needed to further the story.

Not bad.
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Post January 03, 2008, 12:41:57 AM

Inside Out by E.S Strout

well it's hard determining how much technical stuff is too much for you, there's no yardstick to follow. it's up to individual readers to figure out if they like it or not. i'd say there was a bit too much science in this one, tho.
Last edited by neoadorable on January 03, 2008, 12:42:39 AM, edited 1 time in total.

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Post January 03, 2008, 02:07:40 PM

Re: Inside Out by E.S Strout

Too much science? My fault, guys. I'm immersed in a lot of this stuff on a daily basis and some unavoidably slops over into my writing. I do appreciate the comments and critiques.

gino
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Post January 03, 2008, 04:08:50 PM

Re: Inside Out by E.S Strout

... it was a bit too detailed, but I found it interesting, since it tried to provide a plausible basis for the A.I. hard/soft/wetware's evolution. I once had notes for a story about a robotic space probe whose A.I. becomes sentient because radiation causes fortuitous random changes to its software/firmware (basically a steal from the movie "Short Circuit", substituting ionizing radiation for lightning -- except I think my notes predated the movie)... your explanation is much easier to swallow, since the A.I. module was already designed to interface with its human host's brain.

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Post January 30, 2008, 06:56:28 AM

Re: Inside Out by E.S Strout

I liked the science. The extra detailing - not all of which I understood - I find helps to make the story seem more possible, more likely. All in all, an excellent tale!

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