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The Bars Within My Mind By The Rev. Theresa Jackso

PostPosted: August 14, 2004, 08:39:13 AM
by Therio
WOW. This is a very powerful poem for ANYONE that has felt alienated at any point in their life. It touched me and made me think of things and events in my own life. It does not give a clean out or answer to the problems that are keeping you closed in, but, to me at least, it does give you hope of being able to break free.<br><br>I do have one nitpick with it however. What was with all the (PAUSE)'s?

Re: The Bars Within My Mind By The Rev. Theresa Ja

PostPosted: August 14, 2004, 11:37:40 AM
by janis
I’m not into self-confessional poetry. But with a little bit of tweaking I think you could make this into a good song. And definitely leave out the pauses.

Re: The Bars Within My Mind By The Rev. Theresa Ja

PostPosted: August 17, 2004, 02:58:35 PM
by Robert_Moriyama
I’m not into self-confessional poetry. But with a little bit of tweaking I think you could make this into a good song. And definitely leave out the pauses.
<br>I'm 99-44/100% (Ivory pure) sure that Rev. Jackson already has a melody for this. The (PAUSE)es may indicate instrumental passages and would be included here to preserve the overall rhythm / timing of the piece.<br><br>Rev. Jackson, did you see the thread about the possibility of posting MP3 or some other form of audio files for those poems and filksongs that DO have music to go with them? (viz. Administrivia, 'Audio files -- but for filk songs, not stories') Maybe if you still have contact with choir members and the church organist, you could record any of your poems that are actually songs. Maybe even sell CDs on eBay!<br><br>Robert M.

Re: The Bars Within My Mind By The Rev. Theresa Ja

PostPosted: August 18, 2004, 12:08:26 AM
by Greg_Guerin
I liked the transition from the start where the narrator appears to be locked inside to the revelation that the bars are locking the world out.<br><br>I couldn't help but think this read like the lyrics to an old Metallica song, only defeated instead of angry.

Re: The Bars Within My Mind By The Rev. Theresa Ja

PostPosted: August 18, 2004, 12:24:32 AM
by kailhofer
I couldn't help but think this read like the lyrics to an old Metallica song, only defeated instead of angry.
<br>Thank you very much. Now when I look at this one, I get "Harvester of Sorrow" from And Justice for All stuck in my head. ;)<br><br>Nate<br>