JXR by David Alan Jones


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Post February 25, 2008, 02:26:55 PM

JXR by David Alan Jones

I'm surprised there haven't been any comments yet on this wonderful story. David has always impressed me by his natural talent for writing. His pacing is smooth and his word choices are spot on. His characters are complex entities, people we can both loathe and relate to, be angry with and sympathize with.

David did something clever here. By having the AI conversing within Carl's mind, acting almost like an inner self, he leveraged the advantages of both first and third person narratives. The interleaving is seamless.

He also pulled a fast one on me. I couldn't figure out what could be the unifying source for the organic and technical causes of death. When it was explained it was two different sources, I felt a bit let down. Then it turns out to be a single, unifying source after all... and boy, what a lulu of a revelation! Nothing is wasted in this story. It all ties together.

The only thing I thought lacking was the final conversation between Carl and his AI Andy. It was too abrupt for me. I understood why David chose to write it as such, but I would have gone with humanizing Andy a bit more, a perfect moment for poignancy.
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Post February 25, 2008, 10:43:17 PM

Re: JXR by David Alan Jones

A nice, very smooth story that holds ones interest. I like that. Good word choices, proper sentence lengths--all put together with a fluid use of language. Nice!

I enjoy reading David’s works very much because of his superb style. And the stories are always interesting. Even if the story-line is average, David, I believe, can take just about any story and turn it into an enjoyable read.

I love the AI’s voice inside Carl’s head, love the futuristic world of virtual realities, and like how a detective in those new and exciting future worlds might act!

Many thanks to jaimie's critique---it pointed me to David’s story. I haven't read many serials or novellas.

Nice job!!



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Post February 26, 2008, 11:13:24 PM

Re: JXR by David Alan Jones

Thank you both.  I'm glad you enjoyed JXR.

And Megawatts, since you haven't read many serials, might I direct you to a little story called Plan in this year's "Best Of" section? It's a two parter. I'm quite proud of it, but I don't think too many people read it when it first appeared.

-- david j.
Last edited by davjonz on February 26, 2008, 11:15:41 PM, edited 1 time in total.
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Post February 27, 2008, 11:54:36 PM

Re: JXR by David Alan Jones

It's a good story, Dave. I read it early on in the month.

I liked it. Good pacing, interesting idea connecting the virtual and physical. Although, I guess the wife's role early on. Maybe a few more suspects could have made it harder to choose.

And "Plan" is not too shabby, either. ('Course, neither is "The Blind Collaborators"...;))

Nate
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Post March 04, 2008, 07:16:50 PM

Re: JXR by David Alan Jones

Mucho thanks, Nate. I'll keep plugging away. Somewhere in these fingers resides a great story.


-- david j.
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