Farmageddon by Steven Patrick


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Post April 02, 2007, 09:05:36 PM

Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Hrm. There's the kernel to a really good story here, but something about the telling of it is awkward. The pace is a bit too brisk, and a bit too strident, to really pull me in, and the outcome is too obvious to keep me in suspense enough to shock me at the end. None of the characters really drawn distinctly enough to become individuals and connect with the reader.

Still, an interesting attempt at using old fashioned fable to deliver a more modern point. With a bit more polish and depth this one could be a winner.

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Post April 04, 2007, 08:06:35 PM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Nice creative story set on a farm. Good writing and a nice moral at the end: Never play chicken!!  Ha, ha--- just had to get that in!!

All the chickens and roosters came alive and I could feel their eyes, see their expressions, and often felt as if I were among them witnessing each moment as it came. Very good use of sensory input as it should be in a story: Just enough for empathy.

Although Joseph was only a rooster, but by good writing technique a picture of a vicious, arrogant tyrant capable to smashing worlds upon worlds developed as the story unfolded, and at the end, Joseph’s twisted sense of destiny became apparent.

I liked it very much!!!
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Post April 05, 2007, 08:25:29 AM

Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

very allegorical and found it a good complement to last month's Oota's Tale. the message was loud and clear and we should heed the cautionary notes regarding greed and power lust. of course, that rarely makes much of a difference in the long term.

no real drawbacks save for some awkward spelling, but that's nothing. i liked this. excellent title too!

Lee
Last edited by neoadorable on April 05, 2007, 08:26:04 AM, edited 1 time in total.

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Post April 10, 2007, 08:21:35 AM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

I guess for anyone familiar with the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, it never was going to be a surprise. An interesting twist on the tale though.

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Post April 10, 2007, 10:17:27 AM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

For a novel-length apocalyptic battle between Good and Evil set on a farm, try to find the novel 'The Book of The Dun Cow' by Walter Wangerin, Jr. (My favorite character -- the Eeyore-like (in his depression) Mundo Cane Hound, who mopes about howling 'Dooo-oo-oom and gloo-oo-oom' -- with good reason, in this book.)

Robert "Nobody here but us EVIL CHICKENS! Bwak-buk-buk-ha-ha!" M.
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Post April 12, 2007, 11:31:10 AM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Thanks for the kind words for my little tale of fowl play.

This was borne out of a writing workshop prompt for an "Animal Farm" style story, so I'm glad it found a home with Aphelion. The title started as a bad pun, but I just never could let it go, so thank you for enduring it.
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Post April 19, 2007, 05:30:48 PM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Animal Farm will always be the gold standard where good animals battle evil animals against a dystopian backdrop. Another good candidate would be Watership Down, albeit the good guys win in the latter.

The juxtaposition of chicken sentience with biblical themes didn’t quite gel with me, and I’m a fella that enjoys allegory. The story is serious in nature, but I kept imagining a Chicken of Death and a Chicken of War that left me snickering. The problem with allegory is that everything is open to interpretation, including the species of the characters. Chickens, alas, are not known to allegorically brave, cunning, or devious. On the contrary, they are symbolic of cowardice, idiocy, and simplicity. Maybe if the technique was a bit stronger, the author could have overcome this, but as Rob pointed out, the story is not at that level.

Related trivia: Did you know that chickens are so incredibly stupid that they can be “hypnotized” by visually overloading their nervous system?
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Post April 19, 2007, 06:42:52 PM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Yeah, but what does a flashbang grenade do? Or the visual purple ionizer used in Alfred Bester's 'The Stars My Destination'? Both weapons overload the senses and leave the target momentarily stunned and helpless.

(Okay, that doesn't mean that you could suggest to them that they -- heh -- cluck like a chicken -- but still ...)

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Post April 19, 2007, 07:37:01 PM

Re: Farmageddon by Steven Patrick

Well, if it was a sound and it happened to be 7 Hz, it would kill the chicken.

From Borland's Turbo C version 2.0 Reference Guide:

/* Emits a 7-Hz tone for 10 seconds.

True story: 7 Hz is the resonant frequency of a
chicken's skull cavity. This was determined
empirically in Australia, where a new factory
generating 7-Hz tones was located too close to a
chicken ranch: When the factory started up, all the
chickens died.

Your PC may not be able to emit a 7-Hz tone. */

main()
{
sound(7);
delay(10000);
nosound();
}
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