Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanuel


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Post July 14, 2005, 10:14:54 AM

Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanuel

<br>the best thing here was dialogue, which i found smooth and logical within the situation. <br>the story was very blade-runnerish in that the antagonistic android wanted to live a normal life instead of being a corporate assassin lackey, but in spite of this similarity to my all time fave i didn't warm to the plot and those constant reminders of what everybody wore and what color scheme they chose made me puzzled. was i missing on something highly significant or what?<br>and who guessed Devlin was actually a school kid? in the elevator scene she felt more like Yari's boss, or at least someone of an adult disposition.<br>again, excellent dialogue but a story with very little overall punch, and the happy ending was a bit stretching it.<br><br>looking forward to the next one!<br><br>Lee<br><br>
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Post July 15, 2005, 02:21:48 PM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

I think that this one needed a little work.<br><br>School kid as detective has been done since the Hardy Boys and is still being done today (Veronica Mars on UPN) but I can't help but think that this time the kid was done TOO well. To the point where the Devlin character was vapid, shallow and a just a little stupid.<br><br>She seemed awfully forgiving of the killer robot--since it had only killed her schoolmate's father--that is, until she found out that it had killed the teenager, too. <br><br>And yes, the dialogue was good. But again it was a little too much like listening to a couple of teenagers. And who but another teenager can stand to do that? Do any of these people have any depth at all?<br><br>So while it was a good effort, the overdone plot and nick-of-time rescue by the MegaCorp CEO (huh?) were a little trite, a little too made-for-TV, and more than just a little stationary.<br><br>There was no real movement either for the plot or the characters. And if none of your characters learn anything from their experiences, the story doesn't move.<br><br>Bill
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Post July 18, 2005, 05:59:54 PM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

I agree the dialogue was the best part. That's often the most difficult thing for writers, so this is a substantial compliment.<br><br>However, there needs to be more description. Borrowing from Nate, there is a lack of the senses. There is no sense of smell, no sense of sound, no sense of touch. It's difficult for a reader to immerse himself when these elements are lacking. Even in a minimalist approach, the writer invites the reader to fill in the blanks. That's not happening here.<br><br>I don't have an issue with the concept. Mixing Blade Runner with Nancy Drew is far from trite. I think disguising the identity of Tracey/assassin 'bot would have made it a more intriguing story. The plot seemed ripe for a more surprising twist.
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Post July 18, 2005, 11:45:15 PM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

The old story about an android and a human. But, a story such as this one can open-up the writer and let him/her experiment and practice. <br><br>The writer was after a "dialogue" that told all and I think the writer did a good job in many areas.<br><br>The tie, the pushing, and the elevator coupled with the kids in a cafeteria that suggests laughter, gave a good felling of motion through-out the story. <br><br>The writer might have tried too hard with the dialogue and sometimes I got confused ( Of course I read this story after doing two shifts at work! ) with some of the dialogue, but I believe the writer has real talent with the use of dialogue. A little polishing and this writer will be able to tell a story using dialogue that transmits sensory details as a vivid picture to his plot! And the reader will feel as if he/she is present when the chararcters speak! Good job!!<br><br>P.S. I was very tired when I read this story so I might have missed some other points.<br>
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Post July 26, 2005, 10:20:50 AM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

i have to agree with the above coments...the dialogue is really good and honestly really captures how teens talk to each other...but it just reminded me to much of a Sci-Fi episode of Veronica Mars for my taste...every thing ends happy and nice.<br><br>Really well written though...
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Post July 27, 2005, 08:30:20 AM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

I'm going to be contrarian and say, while the writing was certainly decent, the teen dialogue was overdone, relying a lot on stereotypes. <br><br>I didn't quite get Devlin's decision to let the assassin run free. If it emerged from her characterization, I missed it. She came across as cavalier about the assignment and ended up easily duped. Only to be rescued by apparent goofball Yari. Perhaps this was the intent of the author. <br><br>At any rate, I think there was far more potential to exploit in this concept, and with Arnold's basically solid writing skills, I'd like to see another episode with Devlin .<br><br>Dan E.
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Post July 27, 2005, 09:51:31 AM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

...I didn't quite get Devlin's decision to let the assassin run free. If it emerged from her characterization, I missed it. She came across as cavalier about the assignment and ended up easily duped. Only to be rescued by apparent goofball Yari. Perhaps this was the intent of the author...

Dan E.
<br><br>Hmm.  IMO, Devlin sympathized with the robot's desire for an independent 'life', free of the expectations of those who controlled her -- er, it.  As a teenager herself, she identied with the robot's wish to be free ...  This in spite of the fact that Devlin herself seemed almost to be in charge of Yari, instead of the other way around.<br><br>Devlin learned the hard way that she was not as wise as she thought she was -- in projecting her own feelings onto the robot assassin, she failed to realize that the robot was a killer by nature, and would continue to kill to protect itself or to obtain something it wants (a new identity, for example).  Further Devlin stories (if Mr. Emmanuel plans to write any) would presumably allow Devlin to 'grow up', acknowledge her limitations, etc.  (Kinda like 'Veronica Mars', which is a pretty good show, by the way.)<br><br>Robert M.
Last edited by Robert_Moriyama on July 27, 2005, 09:53:44 AM, edited 1 time in total.
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Post July 27, 2005, 10:44:42 AM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

For fans of Veronica Mars, they filmed part of an episode at one of my home town's (Ramona, CA) premier dive bars, brilliantly named Cheers. That makes me nearly a celebrity, so proper respect should be accorded.<br><br>Devlin seemed old beyond her years (eg, she was far too, well, not maternal, more like amiable ex-girlfriend with Yari), which would be perfectly fine, but we're given very little of what she's like inside to counter or otherwise complicate that. One might infer that she's possessed of all the insecurities, etc, of a teen, simply cuz we know she's a teen, and then take for granted that that's why she was willing to give the robot a pass. But is that rich characterization? Maybe...<br><br>In looking at my favorite adolescent hero, Buffy, we saw the whole gamut of teen angst at play. Granted that was over--what?--nine seasons, but there was little on display in this story. Or was there? Can simply creating an adolescent character suffice for development? Is that enough to create a compelling character, or do you run the risk of stereotyping or "paperdolling"? Substitute African American or handicapped for adolescent and see if your answers are the same. Just some questions to mull over. And any input from Mr. Emmanuel would be welcome.<br><br>Dan E.
Last edited by unforgibbon on July 28, 2005, 11:41:18 PM, edited 1 time in total.

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Post July 28, 2005, 11:05:14 PM

Re: Devlin and the Robot Assassin by arnold Emmanu

A good blend of cozy detective and scifi. I enjoyed this one. Great dialog, good plot; all the elements of a good story were there. <br><br>I had only a couple of quibbles. 1) I found the switching of POV a tad distracting, and 2) Devlin struck me as outgoing, even a bit smart-alecky, so her frequent blushing seemed to be out of character.<br><br>All said and done, a great read.<br><br>Donald
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