Master Critic
Posts: 911
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Johnstown, Pa.
February 24, 2019, 11:17:37 AM
No Man’s Land by Dan Zangerl
The intro got my attention. “Stabbing, bone snapping, constricting, blinding pains that would be lethal had they been physical. Now the desire to make those pains physical started to consume my mind, day and night.” A nice way to tell of the mental pang that goes through someone’s mind.
The further I read, the more my interest grew. With the introduction of the legendary writer, Harlan Ellision, I knew the story would have a twisting ending to it since any legendary writer whether real or fictional usually introduces something new or not well known.
The writer did a nice job of introducing No Man’s Land and the Figure and The Little Things that were not seen. I won't go into the remainder of the story because many read the critique before they read the story. This story should be read.
The only suggestion I have to use a little more sensory input such and “ The air felt cooler than before or a mist crawled over me. Somethings a little goes a long way, but too much waters down the story.
Good one.
The further I read, the more my interest grew. With the introduction of the legendary writer, Harlan Ellision, I knew the story would have a twisting ending to it since any legendary writer whether real or fictional usually introduces something new or not well known.
The writer did a nice job of introducing No Man’s Land and the Figure and The Little Things that were not seen. I won't go into the remainder of the story because many read the critique before they read the story. This story should be read.
The only suggestion I have to use a little more sensory input such and “ The air felt cooler than before or a mist crawled over me. Somethings a little goes a long way, but too much waters down the story.
Good one.
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