Poem: The Cracked Bell by Alexis Child


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Post November 07, 2018, 07:33:43 AM

Poem: The Cracked Bell by Alexis Child

Rather heavier than I fully feel this precise morning, but I have known this mood much this year!

I am back again.

A portion of the community has seen by now that changes of both health and mood have stalked me for several years now, and I had some hope this summer when I finally landed a competent psychiatrist, after many wrenching ones that produced echoes of this poem!

Then my body's Appendix organ wiped out.

The first part was a tummy pain remniscient of something I'd had all last summer, so I ignored it, (in woe!), but then the pain "curves" down towards the right side, and this time it was both new and wasn't going away. I didn't even recall the Appendix existed! But upon having been reminded, I attribute to deep, primal, Commune with the Pantheons of the Gods instincts I have been cultivating for a couple years now, and I went in on a Friday some seven weeks ago now, (and the day of the week matters in health care!)

And lo, that "barely understood because it seems barely functional" organ, was inflamed. But I had done good work ... because as long as it has not ruptured, the surgery is (generally! See elsewhere for my comments on that!) safe enough, and for once, I was no exception this time.

I am no longer a Happy Go Lucky country kid. What was basically a soul-crushing loss of identity a bunch of years ago left me forlorn, and the ambient Conditions of Mind grafted upon me since birth, just showed that Too Much Despair can take someone down. In a new book called Circuit of Hope, Psychologist Martin Seligman agrees.

But something did happen, coming up on two years ago. The last ounce/gram of Jungian/Other primal strength clawed back, and I am quite convinced that a series of Neuro-Bio "Things" Moved Around, and now I am Zombie-Center in the middle of the Algernon-Phenomenon.

Signature links:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowers_for_Algernon

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phenomenon_(film)

Honorable Mention (I have to re-watch)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_T ... _One_(1974)
"Burning Bright" with William Shatner of Star Trek fame

- ---------------------

So, No, I don't have "a life span" anymore. (And even if someone pokes at me in 2042, the perspective is part of it all.)
I have a Few Good Years. It feels longer than the fiction versions that had to "finish out the tale for Story's Purposes", but not all that long.

There will be more notes later. But in Spring, I thought I was healthy. Then my Appendix became Afflicted.

But the powers gained, are good for a Shaman Writer. And Writer I had forgotten to be!
So there may be gaps, but Aphelion keeps chugging along, and that's a source of strength all of need.
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Post November 07, 2018, 12:04:55 PM

Re: Poem: The Cracked Bell by Alexis Child

Lucky you, you got the appendix out before it went supercritical. Mine just blew up, and I had to call the ambulance. Man, did that hurt. Right up there with kidney stones.

The surgeon who cleaned up the mess came in and told me about it the next day--she brought pictures. "See all those little red-and-black things? That's all that was left of your appendix. It blew itself to bits. I've never seen anything like it." Then they kept me for thirteen days, most of it with an N-G tube in me so I couldn't eat, and my body was consuming itself. It was all pretty boring, mostly; I watched TV, slept, and watched the pattern on the wallpaper crawl around because of the morphine.

And I'm off topic, so I'll quit now.

Hang on to what you have, and try to get back a little more.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?

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