Page 1 of 1

Lost in Transition by Susan Anwin

PostPosted: March 08, 2018, 09:54:44 AM
by Megawatts
Intro worked: got me hooked. We learn that Jack is an ‘unhuman’ bum, a Vohiek with Vohiek talents. Apparently he can set fires to things by thinking! I’m not sure what the name of that ability is.

Good description and also the use of sensory inputs adds favor to the story. The dialogue worked for me because it sounded real.

Moonshine isn’t a drink that bums use. A cheap wine is the norm with bums. Moonshine is hard to get unless you live where I do. It’s local to West Virginia, Southwest Pennsylvania, and nearby states.

One mistake she made was not using the plural with folks in “Must be the folk in the kitchen, burned something.” Jack said that to the administrator at the shelter.

At the end we find that a priest approaches Jack and says, " you, Jack, are a destroyer of worlds! Jack doesn’t understand that!

Good story but I’m a little confused with the ending.

Susan Anwin is a very good writer, very talented. English is her second language I believe. Writing in another language other than my native English would be harder than me flying to the moon aboard a kite! I marvel at the writes here at Aphelion that can write in another language other than their native language.

Re: Lost in Transition by Susan Anwin

PostPosted: March 10, 2018, 09:51:45 PM
by Jolene Wilkerson
Hey Megawatts, how you doing?

The power to start fires by thoughts is called pyrokinesis. It was the basis for the movie, "Firestarter" with Drew Barrymore.

Re: Lost in Transition by Susan Anwin

PostPosted: March 10, 2018, 10:18:53 PM
by Megawatts
Thanks, I couldn't think of the name. Yes, I remember the movie-- a good one!

Re: Lost in Transition by Susan Anwin

PostPosted: March 14, 2018, 10:08:22 AM
by Susan_Anwin
What a lovely crit, dear Megawatts! I'm honored! 2 things; Jack is NOT a vohiek, I gues I wasn't clear enough on that in the story. The language issue; he is a simple guy, with a simple language usage, so the use of 'folk' was deliberate. Again, thanks for your lovely feedback, I shared it on my facebook page :-*