
Senior Editor
Posts: 1086
Joined: December 31, 1969, 08:00:00 PM
Location: Northeast Georgia, USA
Welcome To Hell By Diana Rohlman
Sent shivers up and down my spine. Well described settings, though I think there'd be some mention of the sulfurous gasses, etc. <br>My only stopper while I was reading was that it took me about 2 seconds too long to realize that the woman who had called 911 had died. I don't know what to recommend about that section, but you may want to look at re-wording a couple of lines right there. If I paused there, your average reader might also.<br>The rest of the story flew right on. Nothing interrupted the flow. Very nice work. Could have been a bit longer, to suit me. A bit more details about his victims is a possibility you should consider. If you said all you wanted to say Diana, that's fine. As a reader, I came away wanting just a little bit more. Not a whole 'nother story, but just a little more explanation of his few most significant victims. Something to make his torture more meaningful. <br>Dan<br>
Last edited by Vila on August 09, 2005, 01:37:56 PM, edited 1 time in total.
"Extremely difficult- Virtually impossible- However, it should only take me ten minutes or so..."
Brice Linch - Max Headroom
Brice Linch - Max Headroom