The Freshman By Timothy Maguire


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Post August 20, 2005, 05:58:05 PM

Re: The Freshman By Timothy Maguire

I guess it's progress when others can pick out what I'm going to find in a story before I do. <br><br>Dan's suggestion of the smell of grass (presumably wet grass clippings) on the ball field would be exactly the sort of touch I'd recommend. It adds a concrete sense of reality, and when done right, adds to the mood.<br><br>On character, I assume the author was building sympathy, and that was why we met Linda and Josh. I believe we are meant to see that Alex is capable of being just like everyone else, gaining friends (maybe even a girlfriend), and that this is what he'll lose after the fight and, presumably, can't go back to school there. However, I didn't get that sense of loss at the end. Josh & Linda were first to rush to him, so they seem like they were onboard with Alex despite his abilities. Plus, Alex clearly spent a lot of time protecting the school, so his willingness to save his schoolmates couldn't go entirely unnoticed. That he would be kicked out of school is not clearly indicated.<br><br>Letting reality slip in, of course he would be. There'd be a parent riot if he stayed, thinking their children were in danger (when clearly they are, considering the Devourers).<br><br>On plot, I liked the superhero meets Highlander fusion (with maybe a shade of Dragonball-Z), but wondered if the kills add to the power of the victor, can they ever really act as good guys? Doesn't the "in the end there can be only one" theory ultimately prohibit the creation of the SuperFriends at Metahuman Inc.?<br><br>Also, there were a few points that did not seem to be properly explained (or that I just didn't understand). First, Alex can fly because his skateboard (laminated piece of wood) was changed. Why did he have a skateboard in class? If he didn't, were did it come from? Why was it changed, precisely? Next, he squishes a mote into a blade shape, and then suddenly an attack happens to the rear of his enemy. Was there a throw missing? Finally, how does bringing two motes together kill his enemy? The physics of this were completely lost on me.<br><br>The dialogue went ok, and the kids sounded like teenagers to me.<br><br>I thought this was an interesting universe, but one that needed more development. I'd like to have understood the "touched by God" reality and how it came to be called that. Also, I wished the kids would have been more developed so that his forced departure at the end would have had more impact. Finally, a little more explanation of the battle scene would have helped me follow it.<br><br>Nate
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Post August 28, 2005, 11:06:03 AM

Re: The Freshman By Timothy Maguire

Yeah, ok. I missed that he was unconscious and not dead.<br><br>The line, "Worse, the Devourer had probably killed before and had the power of at least two of the Touched under his belt." got me assuming that this was like Highlander.<br><br>However, I still say that his school wouldn't have him back for sequels, not without a big lawsuit. His presence turned the football field into a big crater & a section of the school's wall was smashed. Even though he's a good egg, he'd represent a clear and present danger to the other students (or at the least to the school district's insurance carrier).<br><br>Nate
Last edited by kailhofer on August 28, 2005, 11:07:02 AM, edited 1 time in total.
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