Fog-People by Susan Anwin


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Post November 12, 2016, 10:22:39 AM

Fog-People by Susan Anwin

This story reminded me about kids that get abducted by perverts, and then are returned home years later. Fantasy can be very creative with ghosts and demons symbolizing evil in the world.

I found the writing good. She used a nice balance between showing and telling and her descriptions were just enough. The dialogue I felt worked, and her characters believable and easy to imagine.

A little more sensory input might add to the effect of a fog undulating a village. In her description of the Fog, a sentence like ‘and the cool swirling wisps that touched upon me, chilled me like a winter’s wind that washes over one very un-expectantly.’ Other sensory inputs like the warmth of the fire felt good after remembering the Fog.

I giving suggestions that might help the story or other stories.

The balance between sensory input, description, dialogue, show and tell, sentence lengths, and character development must be refined constantly.

Good story! I like it. Keep up the good work.

Good job!
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Post November 20, 2016, 02:10:21 PM

Re: Fog-People by Susan Anwin

I enjoyed this story too. Like Megawatts, I found the characters believable and well-described, the dialogue realistic and some solid descriptions and details.

I think the one place where I faltered is that Caelin seemed miserable with the Fog people; it wasn't any different than the "real" world, so I couldn't figure out why he would want to go back. It seemed very much like he was the sort of person that thinks the grass is always greener on the other side so to speak.

But that's not really a critique of the story; it just lowered my opinion of the main character.

The story itself is a good read.

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