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Don’t Cry for Me, Son by April Coan

PostPosted: November 10, 2016, 10:00:37 AM
by jpharrin
No, you can’t beat cancer--or can you? The story flowed well. The dialog was good. I would have liked to know how the grandfather made his money (to further develop the character) and if it was a business that Tim would eventually take over, or how Tim planned to make grandpa proud. Here’s a suggestion for a future story.

A couple of times you repeated forms of words in close proximity.

“The doctor gestured for the boy to follow him down the _hall_. The _hallway_ smelled sterile, like fresh lemon and bleach.”

This could be rewritten something like,

“The doctor gestured for the boy to follow him down a hallway that smelled sterile, like fresh lemon and bleach.”

Re: Don’t Cry for Me, Son by April Coan

PostPosted: November 30, 2016, 09:32:37 PM
by kailhofer
This story brings up an interesting question. What would you say to your clone?

In this case the clone is a small boy and the original is an old man, so that helps a little to strike up the conversation, but it would still be hard.

I don't know what I would say to mine. Do you, to yours?