Six Thegn Quean Episode Three by David Ulnar-Slew


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Post September 05, 2016, 05:20:33 PM

Six Thegn Quean Episode Three by David Ulnar-Slew

Okay, Episode 2 had a strong feeling of things building up; this one feels more like it's reaching a plateau, even with the unsolved mystery of what the Eoten is hiding. I suppose this is due to the amount of space given to combat training, negotiations with the village leaders, and backstory and worldbuilding revealed in the conversations among the scouting party. No complaints about those things; a story needs variation in pace to keep it interesting.

I find an inconsistency in units of measurement: the scouting party is traveling variously by leagues, miles, and kilometers. That was distracting; pick a system and stick with it. If it were me, I'd avoid metric for this kind of fantasy.

Also, the dialog comes off stiff in places, due to lack of contractions. I'll try not to harp on this any more, but I'm not the only one who's bothered by it; here's an article that just showed up in my inbox:

http://www.helpingwritersbecomeauthors. ... -dialogue/

None of these things are deal-breakers, but they can slow down the success of your story sales.

Still good, and I'm still enjoying it.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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Post September 05, 2016, 08:04:14 PM

Re: Six Thegn Quean Episode Three by David Ulnar-Slew

If you can't take criticism then you have no business putting your work out for public consumption. I have found you listen to everyone and then take an amalgam of their thoughts and make changes. If enough people feel similarly and you want their business you make the change. I have heard the contraction critique before, the unit of measurement comment is new to me and much appreciated as it slipped by me and my editor and proofreaders thus far. If I do a re-work for edits it will be something that will change. Busy now on sequels due to demand elsewhere but it isn't unheard of to publish updates because of such things. Overall I Hope everyone is enjoying it.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post September 06, 2016, 12:53:39 AM

Re: Six Thegn Quean Episode Three by David Ulnar-Slew

As you probably know, Eddie, one of my motives with my comments is to get other writers thinking about how to improve their own work; thus the link.

What nobody else sees here are the parts I fixed before posting this, mostly punctuation. My computer ran out of commas and I had to order more, lol!

I do hope others will read this and chime in with their comments; it's what we're here for. And I can generate a long list of other helpful (free!) websites for anyone who wants them. I'm thinking that maybe I should just make it up and post it in the Writers Workshop section as a sticky.
I was raised by humans. What's your excuse?
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Post September 08, 2016, 11:56:23 AM

Re: Six Thegn Quean Episode Three by David Ulnar-Slew

Any help is good help usually.
I just remind new writers that 'perfect is the arch-enemy of done.'
Don't spend your creative time worrying about contractions or word choice or commas, There will be more than enough people lining up to point out those flaws. Write your story and edit later or let someone else edit it.
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
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Post September 08, 2016, 11:57:16 AM

Re: Six Thegn Quean Episode Three by David Ulnar-Slew

Also this:

Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman
Remember: when people tell you something’s wrong or doesn’t work for them, they are almost always right. When they tell you exactly what they think is wrong and how to fix it, they are almost always wrong. – Neil Gaiman

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